


Down the rabbit hole

by SanctuaryCheyenne



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Alternative Bella, Bella Swan with a Backbone, Edward doesn't save Bella from Tyler's van, F/F, Father-Daughter Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Character, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanctuaryCheyenne/pseuds/SanctuaryCheyenne
Summary: Bella Higginbotham is a 19-year-old college student whose father died on the job when she was only 6 months old. When her mother marries husband number 4 behind Bella's back, Bella's had enough. When she goes for a walk in the woods to cool down and clear her head, she follows a deer and falls down a rabbit hole.or: Bella grows up longing for the love of her father whom she never has known when she finds herself in an alternate reality. Waking up in the hospital after being hit by Tyler's van, she is no longer 19 but 17 and is living with her father after her mother got re-married. Trying to navigate through a reality that isn't her own without letting anyone know that she doesn't really belong there. But when she meets Tanya and Kate Denali, she knows that she doesn't want to go back to her own world.





	1. The woods are calling me.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Twilight fanfiction I'm gonna post in possibly 10 years. I've written twilight fanfiction in Word but never got around to finishing them or even posting them. This story isn't pre-written and there may be some time between updates because of that.

# Chapter 1

** _Instructions for a walk in the woods_ **

  * _Never turn around to check behind you. You’ll see nothing, but once you start doing it you won’t be able to stop, and an ominous feeling will follow you until you don’t lock your house’s door behind you. _
  * _If you stand very still and listen you will hear the woods calling for you. __Don’t answer. Never answer. _
  * _You’ll hear things quietly following you, hidden in the trees by your sides. __It’s okay, they’re just checking on you. _
  * _Don’t be scared, but be really, really wary._
  * _If you have a bad feeling about taking a certain path, don’t. You’ll avoid whatever is waiting for you at the end of it. _
  * _You never know what may be buried under the soil you’re walking on. Remember that every time you take a step. Pray that whatever it is, it won’t wake up. _
  * _Make sure you remember the way back home. As soon as you get lost, you’re just another piece of fresh meat._

_Source:_ _ [thanatosjr](http://thanatosjr.tumblr.com/) _

* * *

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.” I saw April looking at the cup of coffee I was holding, the liquid threatened to spill over the edge as I paced through the room. _Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking coffee this late, I had an early class tomorrow. _

“It was a Vegas wedding. I think it was kind of… a last-minute decision.” April stood up as she said this and reached for the cup in my hand. April had been my roommate for almost a year and a half now. I had known nobody when I moved into my college dorm. Most of my old classmates wanted to move as far away from home as possible. I couldn’t do that. I had to stay close to home, in case Renee needed me.

“With husband number 3 she forced me to wear that ugly pink dress but at least she told me, and I was there. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me. I can’t believe she didn’t invite me.”

Renee had e-mailed me this afternoon, while I was still in class, that she had gotten married on her trip to Vegas. She had thought it was hilarious and even included a picture of her and husband number 4. She was wearing a short white dress and had written under the picture ‘_I look a bit like Marilyn Monroe, don’t you think?’_  
I had congratulated her on her marriage, said she looked great and had told her I was doing fine in school. I was glad she hadn’t called. I don’t think I would’ve been able to sound sincere while congratulating her.

“I understand that your angry but maybe you should talk to her.” I turned around to face April who was still standing next to the bed. I had turned too quickly, and the coffee spilt over my cup and landed on the linoleum floor. Coffee forgotten and I just stared at her in anger. _I should call Renee. No! I wasn’t in the wrong here. Renee should call me. _

April kept quiet. She knew her friend just needed to get this off her chest. She had only once met Bella’s mother and didn’t really like the women. Sure, she was nice enough, but she acted as if the whole world revolved around her. 

“I should talk to her? She should be the one to make the first move. She is in the wrong here April. Not me!” I looked down at the spilt coffee and sighed. Can’t anything go right? I should probably clean up the coffee spill.

“She should’ve told me,” I whisper once more before sitting down on the bed next to April.

April didn’t say anything, she just put her arm around me. Holding me together. “I know I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing and I certainly can’t change anything about what has happened. I just wish she would think, just once, before she acts.”

“It will be alright. Tomorrow is the last school day before the holidays start and if you don’t want to go home for Christmas you are free to come home with me and celebrate Christmas with me and my granny.”

I smile at her with the tears that have gathered in my eyes threatening to spill over. What would I do without April?

April, who had grown up with her gran, having lost her parents in a car crash when she was only 3 years old. She had told me once that she remembered them only vaguely, but the pictures her gran had hanging everywhere help her never to forget the faces of her parents. There was a picture of her parents when they went to their prom. April had shown her that picture and they had both laughed. And a picture of her parents holding April when she was just a baby. April had told her that there was at least one picture of her parents in every room at her gran’s.

Hearing this had almost made me cry. Because the only picture I had from my dad was the one picture of him in his police uniform. I suspected that that was also the picture they had used at his funeral. There were no pictures of me and my dad. Or even of my dad and my mum together. Only that one picture, which I had found in the attic when I was hiding from mum because of some argument we had had. I remembered asking Renee who the man in the picture was. Renee had told me that that was my dad and that she didn’t want to talk about it.

“So, tell me more about husband number 4,” April said after she had poured me and herself a new cup of coffee.

“His name is Phil; he is a Minor league baseball player and almost 10 years younger than my mother. So, god knows how long that relationship will last. I give it 5 years, max.” I laugh and take a sip of my coffee. It’s still too hot to drink and I feel the liquid burn the tip of my tongue.

“I’m overreacting, I know but it just hurts. It’s always been just the two of us. She married husband number 2 when I was 5 years old. And I was so happy because I was finally normal. I had a mom and a dad just like every other kid in my class. He was nice and even if he wasn’t my real dad, it was okay. Because he did dad-things like picking me up form school. He left 2 years later. Then there were a whole bunch of boyfriends. And then it was husband number 3, I was 13. He wasn’t like husband number 2 at all. He shouted a lot and got angry quickly. And now she’s got a new husband. Is it bad that I don’t really care anymore? After college, I plan on moving far, far away and never looking back.”

April just shrugged.

“Your granny won’t mind if I stay over for Christmas?” I try to take another sip of the coffee. It’s better this time. Still a little too hot for my liking but drinkable.

“You’re really considering that?” April asked surprised. “Because that would be great! We could go to the Christmas fair. My gran never goes because it’s too much walking and she refuses to sit in a wheelchair.”

“That sound’s great,” I’m already envisioning the hot cups of chocolate milk. April lived in South Dakota and it was a lot colder there than in Arizona. I’m going to have to go out and buy some thick jumpers if I’m going to spend a whole holiday there. “I will phone Renee after I get back from my Freelance and Feature Writing class in the morning, just to let her know that I won’t be coming home for the holiday.”

* * *

My class had ended earlier than usual, the teacher had wished us all a happy holiday and of course had to reminded us that we had an important assignment due right after the holiday and that we shouldn’t forget about it or do it last minute, because she will know when an assignment is done last minute and she hates it even more than when it isn’t done at all. With that, she had sent us all home early.

“A vanilla latte to go please,” I smile at the barista as I search for my wallet. I know I threw it in here somewhere. “And a chocolate chip cookie” I add to buy me some extra time for finding my wallet. Finally, I find it under my notebook. I’m playing with my fishnet-panty while I wait for my drink. Pushing my finger through the little hole, seeing how far I can stretch it but careful not to rip it. 

“I like your shirt,” the barista told her when handing over the cup. I had to look down to see which shirt I was wearing. I had been in such a rush this morning that I had just thrown something on and ran to class. It was a black shirt with bubbles from the Powerpuff girls. I had combined the shirt with a hot pink skater skirt and a studded belt around my waist

“Thanks,” I said with a smile and swung my backpack over my shoulder and walked out. I remembered that I had worn this outfit to a party two days ago, but I couldn’t remember if had put it in the wash and had already washed it or if I had grabbed it from the dirty laundry pile. it didn't smell like beer or sweat, so I guess that I had washed it and forgot about it.… but maybe I should change into something fresh when I get back to the dorm.

I thought about what I could wear while walking up the stairs toward the dorm room. There was this little black skater dress with a white-collar that I could wear. It was one of my favourites, and I’m pretty sure I brought it with me to college. I’m sure it is laying around somewhere in my closet. And I could combinate it with a pair of white thighs and black Mary-jane-shoes. The one which I had bought on a whim after watching Clueless with April.

I had to search for my keys in my backpack, careful not to spill the coffee and wishing I had taken them out when I had been searching for my wallet. I had the cookie, which was still in its brown paper bag, clutched between my teeth.

“Come on, I know you’re in here” I muttered as I shoved my books aside.

After finally finding the keys to my room and letting myself in, I dropped her bag on the bed and put the coffee and my cookie on the desk. I changed quickly into a fresh set of clothes and looked in the mirror. ‘I look like Wednesday Addams’ I thoughted to myself with a smile.

I bit off a piece of the cookie as I searched through the contacts on my phone.

“Renée Dwyer speaking,” mum said as she answered the phone. _‘So, it’s Dwyer now?’_

“Hello mum,” I said and took another bite of the cookie. “I’m just calling to…”

“I’m so glad you called. I was planning on calling you, but I kept forgetting it. Doesn’t matter, I have to ask you something. well better said; to tell you something. You can’t come home for Christmas. I’m sorry. Phil and I are going on a holiday together and we are getting the house repainted while we’re gone. So, you can’t come home. You can stay on campus, right? Summer break is the only break when you have to go home right? So, it’s okay to stay? I’m so sorry to drop this on you last-minute, I was planning on telling you this sooner, but I forgot.”

“Just like you forgot to tell me you were getting married, right?” I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice. It was the same old story. She did something and I would just have to learn to live with it. I had enough of it. If she didn’t want to think about me anymore and live happily with husband number 4 then so be it.

“Bella… don’t be like that.”

“Never mind. I hope you have fun on your holiday. Please, don’t spend too much money or else you won’t be able to pay the electric bill, again. And I’m not paying it for you again.” And with that, I hung up and threw the phone onto the bed.

Sure, I could stay at the campus. And I had already made other plans for the holiday but once again she hadn’t taken me into account while making plans and it pissed me off. I found myself wishing once again that I had known my dad. What was he like, would he care for me? Would I’ve been welcomed to come home for the holidays?

April came in when I was taking my last sip of coffee and as nice as she was, I just wanted to be alone right now.

“So, what did your mum say?” she asked as she took her schoolbooks out of her bag and started to put them away on the bookshelf next to the desk.

“She's oké with it. I’m going for a walk. I got this headache and I think some fresh air might make it feel better. “April looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, silently asking ‘are you Oké?’

“I’ll be back before dark”

“You better. We’ll be leaving first thing tomorrow morning and you still need to pack” she shouted as I walked into the hall.

There was a little breeze as I walked towards the woods that lay behind the campus. There was one path that leads towards the woods and teachers recommended not to go into the woods. People tend to disappear. As a first-year I, as did many, thought it was just a scary ghost story. _Like don’t take the elevator to the 5th floor or you may never return. _But it turned out that this was a real warning. As much as a dozen students had disappeared without a trace. April and I had looked into it but couldn’t find any connection between the students or the dates on which they had disappeared. All we could find out was that they had all taken a walk into the woods and never got out. And I was a bit ashamed to admit that that was exactly what drew me to these woods. April and I had taken several walks in them and always gotten out. We hadn’t even seen anything suspicious. No rocks that were standing upright, or stairwells that ended into nothing. No doors or bright lights. Just plain boring woods.

The first time I walked alone in these woods was after a fight with April. I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.

A twig snapped behind me and I turned around to quickly, the heel of my shoe got stuck in the mushy ground and I landed on my ass.

“Hello, April is that you?” I asked but there was nobody on the path behind me. Then the snapping twig sound came from beside me.

“This isn’t funny” I shouted and looked around. _I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t scared. _  
There was a loud snap on my left side, and I jumped up, ready to run but I came eye to eye with a deer. Its eyes seemed to almost glow then it bared its teeth at me, and I stayed very still. In my mind I tried to think about how far back it was to the campus and if I could run it and stay ahead of the deer. My chances were slim to none.

The deer turned sideways as if it had heard something I hadn’t, and I could see something shiny by its neck. Was it bleeding? With one hand reaching forward I took a step towards the deer. The glowing eyes must have been a trick of the light and of course, it would bare its teeth, it was hurt.

“it’s okay, I’m only trying to help.” It looked at me, directly in the eyes. It seemed too intelligent for a deer. And then it took off.

“Wait” I shouted as if that would make him stop. I started to run after him, cursing my heels as they got stuck in the dirt. “Wait.”

I was struggling to make my way through the woods, I had gone off the pad and it was starting to get darker.

_“Bella.” _It sounded like a whisper, carried by the wind but still very clear.

“Hello?” I looked around. It seemed that I had lost the deer. I hoped it was okay. It hadn’t seemed in pain. Maybe it wasn’t bleeding at all.

_“Bella.” _This time it sounded closer. _I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t scared. _  
There was a loud snap right next to me and I could feel my heart beating in chest. I just had to get back to the campus. Everything would be alright then. I looked around but had no idea where I was. Surely, I hadn’t run that far after the deer.

_“Bella.” _I took off, running as fast as I could. I just needed to get away from this spot. It felt as if someone was following. The snapping of the twigs never seemed to get closer, but it also never faded. Something was following… I was sure of it.

_“BELLA.” _This time it was no longer a whisper, it was a shout and it came from right next to me. I screamed, hoping someone would hear me. April would come looking if I didn’t come back.

I duck under a low hanging tree branch and then I saw the deer again. Animals ran away from danger, so if I followed it, I should be safe. But the deer was fast, faster than I and the tree-branches brushed against my face like fingers trying to grab me. it reminded me of that scene from Snow White. Tears sprung in my eyes, making it even more difficult to run. I wasn’t ready to become number 13. I’m not going to disappear like all the others did. I was going to get out of here.

I couldn’t see the deer anymore. My lungs were screaming for oxygen, but I couldn’t stop running. The feeling like someone was following was still there. I became too scared to look over my shoulder, scared of what I might see there. 

I could feel something dripping in my neck and then again against my face.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Boom.

The woods were lit up by lightning. I had to get out.

There. There was that deer again. I ran, ducking under another tree-branch. I could feel something brushing against my back.

_It’s just the trees. There is nothing there. _

BOOM.

I jumped over a root that had grown above the ground, but my shoe got caught and I saw the ground coming towards me. My hands reached forward, trying to break my fall but the pushed right through the leaves that lay on the ground. My face connected with the dirt, hard. I grinded my teeth. I was sure my lip was bleeding. I tried to turn around, but I could feel the ground starting to sag. I grabbed the root as I sank deeper into the earth and then I looked up.

There was the deer. Right above me, looking at me with a sinister look and then it smiled.

And I could feel the ground giving away.


	2. Is this all a dream?

There was an annoying beeping noise right next to me. I wished it would stop, it was giving me a headache. There was something important that I needed to remember. Something to do with a deer.

“Bella?” it was a voice I didn’t know. Where was April or my mom? And why was I asleep? I had to get ready for Christmas break. April is probably waiting for me.

“Doctor Cullen,” the same voice shouted.

“Charlie.” It was a different voice than the first one. This one sounded calmer.

“I think she is waking up.” _I was, and I would like to know what was going on. Who was Charlie? And why was he here? _ I wanted to say all these things but couldn’t seem to find my voice.

“Charlie,” _was that my voice?_

“I’m here. Don’t worry, everything is going to be alright.” _Whoever he was, he obviously cared for me._

“Bella, could you open your eyes for me,” the second voice asked. and as he asked, I noticed that I could open my eyes. The light was too bright, and I had to blink a few times before I could fully open my eyes.

“Welcome back miss Swan. How are you feeling?” the doctor asked. The man sitting next to the bed grabbed my hand and there were tears in his eyes.

“I’m… I’m fine. Where am I?” _And who are you people? It looked like a hospital…I should probably call my mum after I find out what happened._

“The hospital” _No shit sherlock, hadn’t figured that one out. Which hospital?_

“How did I get here?” My voice hurt. Like I hadn’t used it in a while. I wetted my lips with my tongue. The man sitting next to my bed handed me a white plastic cup. The water had a room temperature and I Grimaced. I preferred my water cold. That is why April and I had gotten a mini-fridge for our room.

“After the paramedics got you from under the van, they brought you here.” _Why hadn’t I been paying attention to what he was saying… my mind seemed to wander so much. Every thought would follow its own path and my mind won’t stay focused._

“I was hit by a van?”

“How much do you remember?” The doctor couldn’t keep the concern off his face when he asked this.

“None of it. I was walking in the woods. How does a van come into that story? I can’t stay here. April and I are going to spend winter break at her gran’s place, and I don’t have for time this. I feel fine and I want to go back to my dorm right now. I still have packing to do.”

“Bella?” the man sitting next to me reached for my hand, but I pulled it away.

“And who are you?” I shouted. Both stared at me in surprise.

“Bella what do you mean? I’m your…” but the doctor interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

“Charlie, why don’t you go and get yourself a cup of coffee while Bella and I talk about what she remembers.” The man, Charlie, looked at me and then at the doctor before getting up and walked out of the room.

“Bella can you tell me your full name,” the doctor asked when we were alone.

“If you can tell me yours.”

“I’m Carlisle Cullen. I’ve been your doctor for the last two weeks.”

“Is that how long I’ve been here? Two weeks.”

“Yes. Now can you tell me your full name.” the doctor asked again. I noticed now that he had a clipboard in his hands.

“Isabella Marie Higginbotham.” I saw him write something down before looking back at me. “Should I just tell you everything I know, or would you like to play twenty-questions.” I know that I was being rude but that was my natural defence system.

“You can just tell me about yourself if you like” the doctor seemed unaffected by my rudeness. I took a deep breath before starting.

“I was born on September 13, 1987. My dad died a couple of months after I was born. I lived with my gran in California until I was 6 years old. After that, I moved to Phoenix, Arizona with my mum. I graduated from Paradise Valley High School on June 2006 and I’m currently in my second year of college. I study journalism at Arizona State University. My best friend is April Collins who lives with her gran in South Dakota. We were roommates during the first year and decided to share a room again for the second year. The last thing I can remember is that I went out for a walk in the woods behind the campus. April had just come back from her classes and was packing her bags. I still needed to pack my bags but…” _but mum had pissed me off and I wanted to be alone._

“But?” the doctor asked when I didn’t continue. I looked up at him and met his eyes. They were a weird brown/golden colour. He had light blond hair and a very pale skin colour. There was something weird about him. He didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the room even though he was wearing a doctor’s coat. It was like someone had parked a fancy Mercedes between a bunch of second-hand student cars. “Bella?”

“Sorry, what?” one again my mind had wandered off. God, it was like I had studied all day and after a while, your mind just doesn’t want to focus on notes anymore. Then, even the colour of the lines of your notepad are a distraction. Why are they blue, why not black? Why are they a light blue than your pen? 

“Why did you go for a walk?” The doctor was writing something down again.

“Does it matter?” _Why should I tell this stranger about all the problems with my mother?_

“It’s alright if you don’t want to tell me” the doctor answered. He put down the pen and focussed his full attention on me instead of the clipboard he was holding. “Do you have a headache or problem focussing?” I just shook my head.

“Then I’m going to let you rest for now.” I looked after him as he walked out of the room and contemplated sneaking out of here but decided against it because I had no idea where ‘here’ was. All knew was that it was raining outside and that my room was probably on the first or second floor of the hospital because all I could see was the sky and a few treetops.

“What does that mean” I heard a voice ask loudly. It was the voice of the man who had been sitting beside my bed.

I strained my eyes to hear the rest of the conversation.

“It means that she is probably suffering from memory loss and I think that maybe she is filling up those gaps in mind with bits of the dream she had while she was the coma. But we can’t be sure until further tests have been done.”

_A dream? They were thinking that my whole life was just a dream… _I didn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation so laid back down and closed my eyes. _Maybe this was the dream._

* * *

When I woke up again, I was still in the same hospital room but this time there were more voices in the hallway. My door was shut but I could hear them. It must be visiting hour. I looked around, and even though I was still in the same room, something had changed. There was a purple teddy-bear sitting on the nightstand with a string tied around its neck which was connected to a little card.

** _Dear Bella,_ **

** _I hope you feel better soon!_ **

** _Xx. A.C._ **

_April! April was here. _That moment the door opened, and a nurse walked in. I guessed she was around 40 maybe older and her short curly blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail.

“Hello dear, how are you feeling,” her eyes were kind and she had little laugh lines around them. 

“The person who gave this…”

“Oh, she left. You were still asleep.” I didn’t think, I just jumped out of the bed, ripping the IV-line out of my hand, and I ran. I ran through the crowded hallway and didn’t care that I bumped into several people. People who now probably got my blood on them because my hand was bleeding quite a bit. _Who knew that a little needle could cause such a blood loss?_

I took the stairs; I didn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator. As I reached the ground floor, I could already see April’s black spiky hair. It would always stand out in a crowd. I ran as fast as I could, shoving several people out of the way.

“April,” but she didn’t turn. Instead, she seemed to be walking faster. I reached for her shoulder to turn her around.

I was met with pitch-black eyes. This wasn’t April. Now that she was turned around, I noticed how small she was. She must be around 4’11 and April was 5’1, it was a small but noticeable difference.

“I’m sorry,” I noticed that I had gotten blood on her white blouse when I had grabbed her shoulder. I took a step back and almost tripped over my own feet. Her hand shot out and grabbed my upper arm.

“I thought….” her eyes looked down at my hand, blood was still dripping down it and was slowly forming a small puddle on the floor.

“Did you like the teddy-bear?” she asked when she released my arm.

“You gave me the teddy-bear?” She smiled and nodded.

“Ehm... it’s cute.” _This is awkward._ I took a deep breath before asking, “but do I know you?”

“We haven’t really met officially, but you’ve met my brother. Edward talked about you and then I saw the accident happen. I’m so sorry it happened.” She looked guilty.

“But you didn’t drive the van, right?”

“No, but I’m so sorry I couldn’t warn you,” She looked like she was about to cry.

“it’s okay. I’m sure it isn’t your fault. Don’t cry, please don’t cry,” I stepped forward and hugged her. “Please don’t cry,” I whispered again.

“But you're better now, right?” she asked when I let her go.

“Sort off. I heard the doctor talk about memory loss and dreams and there is this man, Charlie, and I have no idea who he is. But he was there when I woke up and it looked like he knows me, but I don’t know him and…” Tears were welling up in my eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I know who I am, but that doctor… the whole time I was talking, he was writing things down and I’m not suffering from memory loss. How can you suffer from memory loss if you know who you are and what happened before you woke up? I just don’t know how I got here.” Tears were now streaming down my cheek and I was gulping in air. “I just… I…”

“Alice,” the girl looked up and I turned around. Standing behind me was the doctor. _What was his name again? Carl Cullen, Charles Cullen?_

“Hello Carlisle,” she hooked her arm around mine and smiled at him.

“Shouldn’t you be at school?” the doctor asked. They talked like they knew each other. _A.C. Alice…_

“Wait, is that your dad?” I asked, interrupting Alice who was about to answer him. She nodded. _Oh, fuck. I had just… oh great. But maybe she doesn’t know her dad is that doctor I was talking about. Wait, how long was he standing behind me? How much had he heard? FUCK._

“I just wanted to see if Bella was alright, but she was asleep, so I left but then she came after me. I think you should take a look at her hand, she is bleeding.” The doctor then focussed his attention on me.

“Bella,” he held out his hand.

“I’m sorry, I thought…” _No, I couldn’t say anything. If I just played along, then I can get out of here and I then I can figure all of this out. I just need to make them believe that I’m alright._

“The nurse said that Alice had just left, and I wanted to say thank you. I didn’t know how else I could say thank you, I don’t know where you live or a phone number.” I gave the doctor my hand while I smiled at Alice. _Maybe she could tell me more about this version of me. That sounds so weird._

I shook my head and focussed on the doctor again.

“Well, you could come over. When you’re better of course.” I could see that the doctor was going to say something but before he could, I accepted her invitation.

“But maybe you could visit me here sometimes?” _Maybe if the doctor was busy, I could get Alice to tell me more about me. You don’t just drop off a teddy-bear if you don’t know someone._

“I could come over tomorrow if you would like? I could bring some magazines for you to read.”

“Alice, do you think that is wise? You have homework.” The doctor hadn’t let go of my hand yet. His skin was freezing. How could he stand having such cold hands? I hated it when my hands were cold. Or maybe it was just an excuse to always walk around with a cup of coffee in my hands.

“No, I’m fine” Alice answered, “I’m going home now but I’ll see you tomorrow Bella. See you later dad.” And with a little wave and smile, she walked out of the building. 

* * *

“Your daughter is nice,” I said as sat down on the bed. The bleeding had stopped, and doctor Cullen was put a Band-Aid on the wound.

“Yes, she is,” the answered without looking up at me.

“Doctor Cullen?” He finally looked up at me. “What does it mean when someone has memory loss?” _I was playing it dumb. Of course, I knew what memory loss meant. Well, maybe not the finer details but the name was pretty self-explanatory._

“I heard you and my dad talk about it. Charlie, he sounded so worried.”

“You remember that he is your dad?” Now I had his full attention. _And so, the game had begun._

“I remember bits and pieces. He is my dad and he is a cop, right? Do I remember that right?” _I was gambling, but what did I have to lose. Maybe some details had stayed the same. I tried to remember the man in the photo. My dad in uniform. The guy was younger, and the hat he had been wearing had hidden some of his face. But maybe it was the same man? I couldn’t remember. The man that had sat next to my bed. I had been so panicked._

“Yes, he is a cop. And he is your dad.” Doctor Cullen was now looking at me with a suspicious look.

“I came here… because…”_ Come on Bella, think! Why would you come here? If it was me, and I had the option, I would move here because mum got re-married and I couldn’t handle another man._

“Mum got re-married. His name is….” _Husband number 4. What was his name again? _“Phil. He is a baseball player. He is younger than her.” I waited to get caught in the lie, my heart was pounding.

“I can see things are coming back. That is good Bella. Maybe in time, everything will come back. Of course, I can’t guaranty that, but things are looking promising.” He gave me a pad on the knee as he stood up and left the room. I smiled and laid back down. 

When he was gone, I took the teddy-bear off the nightstand and read the card again.

** _Dear Bella,_ **

** _I hope you feel better soon!_ **

** _Xx. A.C._ **

_Xx? Maybe she was just girly, or maybe she liked me._

_Whichever it was… Alice, you are going to be my ticket out of here. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	3. Play a game with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just started a new school (I'm going to study for my second bachelor-degree) but so far it's not going so well. Nobody really talks to me and its a different way of teaching then I'm used to from my first bachelor.  
So I'll try to post a new chapter every week, but I can't promise that I'll be able to. I hope you guys will understand.
> 
> Also, there will be some time-jump in this chapter.

Alice came by around 3 o’clock. And when she entered the room, I was so happy I could hug her. Hospitals were fricking boring when you were just there by yourself. The nurse had informed me that my dad, Charlie, who was chief of police, couldn’t come by because of some accident with a bear and a hiker and he had to be there. So, I was stuck in this room, well… better said this bed, because I wasn’t allowed to get out of the bed. So, I couldn’t wander around the hallways and see if they had any sexy doctors walking around. Sure, Cullen was sexy, but he was also the dad of the girl who I was going to befriend, so he was off-limits.

The nurse, who had told me about Alice yesterday, came by and she looked kind of scared. Like she thought I was going to run out of the room again if she left the door open. The idea was appealing but if I wanted to get out of here, I needed to behave like a model patient. So, I smiled and ate my food and drank my drinks without complaining, even though it tasted gross. I missed the coffee from my local coffee-shop. The nurse wouldn’t even give me hospital coffee. No matter how hard I begged and pleaded, the answer stayed no.

“You have no idea how bored I was,” I said as she sat down my bed.

“Well, I’m here to save you.” She pulled out several magazines from her bag. 

“How was school? What did I miss?” I took the first magazine from the pile and casually started browsing them. _I couldn’t let her know how interested I was in the answer. I had no idea how I was going to pull this off. Fake having my memory back or at least getting it back slowly. _

“Edward is coming back next week and then he would like to re-introduce himself. He wasn’t feeling well when you guys met last time. Do you know when you are getting discharged?” I shook my head. _Edward? Who the heck was Edward? _The only Edward I knew was Edward Scissorhands and I imagined introducing myself to him. Alice looked strangely at me as I laughed out loud.

“Sorry, funny thought.” She raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t really remember who Edward is. I remember…” _crap… think of a random name. A very common name. _“Jessica.” _Good. Jessica was a good name. So far, I’ve had met three Jessica’s when I was in kindergarten, four when I was in high school and there were two Jessica’s in my college classes. All though one was written as Yessica. _

“Oh right. Sorry, maybe I should’ve told you about someone you were friends with when you asked about school. Truth is, I don’t really know much about your friend group. Mike is very worried about you. He is still mad at Tyler. Keeps going on about how Tyler came away with just a few cuts and how he shouldn’t be driving a car anymore until he learns how to drive properly. I think it’s driving Jessica crazy. Want to know why? I think she fancies him.” Alice smiled at me with a look that only a teenager could give you. Like she had just told me the biggest secret in the world. Jessica fancies Mike. High school drama. But she had given me some names I could work with next time when Charlie came to visit. Tyler, who had been driving the van. The van that had hit me and put me here. Jessica, my ‘friend’. She didn’t sound like a real friend. And Mike, who sounded like he fancied me instead of Jessica, with the way he was going on about the accident.

“Right, how is Tyler. Are the cuts healing alright?” _This was the normal thing to do. Inquirer after a… friend? I don’t know if I would call Tyler a friend. Was it his fault that the van had hit me? Mike seemed to think so. _

“There is this one cut, that is right above his eyebrow, I think it might turn into a scar. But otherwise, he’s fine.”She had apparently already finished her magazine and was now taking the next one of the pile.

“And Edward will be back next week?” _I needed to keep her talking. She was giving me enough names and information without knowing that she was doing it. _

“Yes, I think he will be happy that you don’t remember him. He was kind of rude last time. But he got very sick and had to stay with our cousins for a while. Get some fresh air, that kind of thing.” Her laugh sounded like little bells in the wind, so light and careless.

“So, are you sure we weren’t friend before? Because you feel like a very good friend to me” _Gosh that sounded so cheesy. _She laughed again.

“Yes, I’m sure. I wish I had talked to you sooner but my family, we don’t really mingle that well with the rest of the students. And you had your friends. Oh, should I let Angela know that you are feeling better? That she can come over and visit you. I don’t know if you are allowed to have visitors?”

“Don’t you count as a visitor?” I turned the page of the magazine. The model was wearing a pretty nice dress, blue with a black belt around her waist. Her blond hair was falling in waves of her shoulders.

“I don’t know. Anyway, would you like me to tell Angela…”

“No,” I interrupted her. _This game was hard enough without too many people involved. _“I think that would be too much. But if you could keep coming over, I would like that.”

* * *

_“Bella where are you going?” John, aka husband number 2 or daddy as I called him, was standing in the doorframe of my childhood bedroom. _

_“I’m running away. I’m going back to gran,” I said and shoved my purple stuffed bunny into my backpack. John frowned. _

_“And how are you going to do that,” he wasn’t stressed about me leaving. There was no way a six-year-old, or as I constantly reminded him 6 AND A HALF-year-old, would be able to make her way to California. _

_But I had smiled as I stood up and walked towards him, holding up a coin I had found lying around the house somewhere. “I’m going to call gran and tell her to come and get me. I don’t want to be here. Mum is being mean,” tears welled up in my eyes. _

_“Hey, don’t cry babygirl” John opened his arms for me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Would you like to tell me what happened?”_

_I shook my head. It didn’t make any sense. Why had mom gotten angry at me? All I had asked was who the man in the photo was. I hadn’t meant to upset her. _

_“You know you can tell me, right?” instead of answering him, I walked back to my bed and lifted up my pillow. I hadn’t put the picture in my backpack yet. I didn’t want it to wrinkle. _

_“Who is this? Is he my daddy? Mom got angry when I asked. I don’t understand why. I was going to ask gran.” John looked like he would rather be anywhere else at this moment. _

_“Bella, sometimes when a grown-up is hurt instead of crying, they get angry. I think, no I know, that your mom didn’t mean to get angry at you when you showed her the picture. But some things just hurt so much that you can’t even talk about it. One day when you are grown up, you will understand.” I had no idea what he had meant by that, but I just nodded and pretended that I understood. _

_“Now how about you and I go and order some pizza. You can pick the topping.”_

_“I’m picking paprika” I yelled as I ran toward the kitchen to grab the phone and the picture of Charlie…? It lay forgotten on the floor and I had already forgotten what he looked like. _

* * *

“Charlie”

“Your dad isn’t here right now.” Alice was sitting in the chair next to the bed. She had a book in her hand. _How long had she been sitting there? Didn’t she have school? Carlisle had said something about homework. _

“Jane Eyre?” I asked when I saw the cover of the book.

“We have to read it. I prefer the great Gatsby”

“I prefer Alice in wonderland,” I said without thinking. “Or the wizard of OZ.” Alice laughed. And once again it was the most beautiful laugh I had ever heard. Now I knew what it reminded me of. It sounded like the wind chimes my gran used to have hanging on her front porch. 

“I can bring you those movies next time I come over. You must be bored here,” Alice said. _So that’s why she was here. She was feeling sorry for me. _

“There is not much to do here other than sleep.” And I was getting tired of all the sleep I was getting. I had more things to do than just lay around. I needed to get out of here. I needed to figure out what had happened that day in the woods.

“Did you know…” Alice leaned forward towards me as she spoke, “that you talk in your sleep.” She whispered it like it was some big secret. _Talk in my sleep? No, I didn’t know I did that. I’m pretty sure I had never done that before, or else April would’ve thrown a pillow at my head. __April… god, I missed April. Alice reminded me so much of her. _

“What was I saying?” Alice had refocused her attention on her book and as she turned over the page as she answered. “It sounded pretty cute. You said you were going to run away, and you wanted paprika. But you also said something strange. You asked, ‘Is he my daddy’, why would you ask that? “ 

“I don’t know. I was dreaming about when I had moved in with my mum in Phoenix after I lived with my gran in California. Mum had gotten angry at me and…” _Sometimes when a grown-up is hurt instead of crying, they get angry. _I shook my head.

“I can’t remember the rest. But tell me about school or something. Is your brother back already? Is he feeling better?” This was the thing I had been doing for the last few days. Alice would come over and I would ask her questions about school and the people of Forks. I didn’t think she suspected anything. Because of my conversations with Alice, I was able to talk to Charlie. He came to visit me in his lunch break or in the evening. Charlie was helping to. He had once said that he cancelled his fishing trip with Billy and Harry because he wanted to be here for me. Ever since I had asked him how they were doing and that he shouldn’t just cancel that trip. He needed time with his friends. I had guessed the friend’s part and I had been right. It seemed that, whoever Billy and Harry were, they were good friends of Charlie.

“Yes, our cousins just dropped him off yesterday. They will be staying in town for some time. Esmé really likes that because Carlisle has a busy week planned at the hospital.”

“Alice? Has your dad mentioned anything about me leaving here? I know it's stupid to ask but I really just want to go home. I don’t care if I don’t get to go back to school yet and all I am allowed to do is lay in bed. I just want it to be my bed.”

“Well then I have good news for you my dear” The nurse, I had figured out her name was Claudia, said from the doorway. “You have a couple of more test planned for tomorrow and after that, you are free to leave.” She must have seen my smile because quickly she added, “and lay in your own bed.”

“I’m going home” I threw my arms around Alice’s neck and buried my face in her neck. _Gosh, I could cry so happy was I. I was so not going to miss this room. __I wondered what ‘home’ looked like. It couldn’t be worse than the dorm when I first moved in. Home is what you make of it. The way you decorate it. That is what April had said when I had complained that it looked like a prison cell. _

Alice’s body wasn’t as soft as I was expecting and after a second, I felt the pain in my collarbone.

“Au. Are you made of stone or something?” I rubbed my collarbone. I was going to have a bruise.

“Or something,” Alice said laughing. “So, no movie then?” Alice was now busy putting her book safely away in her backpack.

_Wait, what? No! even though I had intended to only use Alice for information, I had gotten attached to her. It was nice to have her around. To have someone to talk to besides the nurses and Charlie. _

“We can have a movie night at your place if you want. Or mine if you want to. Just because I’m going home, doesn’t mean we have to stop seeing each other.” _Please, don’t leave me alone. I don’t know how to cope in this world. Everything is different and the same, at the same time. Things that have happened, things that never happened, things that I don’t know happened. It all so confusing and I need a friend. _But I didn’t say any of this. I think she could see it in my eyes, the panic that was going on inside.

“Of course, we can have a movie night. I would prefer if we watch it at your place. You don’t have any annoying siblings hanging around” She winked at me before getting up.

“I have to go home now. And I won’t be coming back tomorrow.” _Was I being too clingy? Did it show that much? And now she was pulling away. No, I needed a friend here. I couldn’t do this alone. I needed April, and since I couldn't get her, Alice was the next best thing. _

“I’m going on a camping trip with my sister and my mum for the weekend. Sorry, I can’t cancel that. Otherwise, I would’ve been here for you.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll probably be busy with the tests and stuff anyway. Should I text you when I get out? Let you know if everything was fine?” Alice wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper she pulled from her bag.

“Text me when you get out. I’ll probably have my phone on silence, but I would still like to know if you’re okay.”

* * *

Charlie had taken the whole day off so he could be there for me. Personally, I didn’t see the point of it. Now we both had to wait around and be bored. Charlie wasn’t much for idle chatter like Alice. _Alice. Alice who probably was already on her camping trip right now. That reminded me… _

“Cha... Dad. I was wondering if you know where my phone is. Did I leave it at home or did break when the accident happened? Charlie looked at me surprised.

“I didn’t know you had a phone. It wasn’t among your thing that the hospital gave me to take home.” _Who didn’t have a phone? Seriously who was this girl? _I wondered if she had been the type to write up a diary. That would make things a lot easier. But I probably wasn’t going to be that lucky. Still. I would have to check underneath her pillow or behind her bed or something. 

“Guess I’m going to have to buy a new one then. So, I can call you if something goes wrong. If I feel… well, I think you get the point.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes. It was so strange to have him look at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. To have someone care so much for you.

“I think that would be a smart idea. We could drive by the store on our way home.” I nodded.

“Thanks, dad.” _The ‘dad’ wasn’t even forced this time. Because if I was now to be Bella Swan, I was lucky to have Charlie as a dad. _

“Miss Swan,” I heard the voice of doctor Cullen say. “You are free to go home with your dad.” He smiled at me. It wasn’t a smile I completely trusted. Like he knew that I was faking it. Like he knew and was just playing along. _Since he is Alice’s dad this is probably not the last time that you’re going to see him. _I would have to be careful around him.

“Let’s go home, dad.” I was ready to get out of here.

-

Charlie drove me to the phone-store and instead of dropping me off and letting me deal with the problem, he walked inside with me. He looked a bit out of his depth, but he was here with me. Something Renee had never done. When I needed something, I was the one who would have to figure it out. It had taught me independence. It had also taught me that the only person you could rely on was yourself. 

“Can I help you?” the young salesman asked as he came walking towards us.

“My daughter needs a new phone.” _My daughter… I had never been anyone’s daughter. For Renee, I had always been just Bella. Maybe when I was young and adorable, I had been her daughter. No, not even then or she wouldn’t have dumped me at grans. _

“Just something simple.” I didn’t want it to cost too much. I just needed a phone to text Alice. And maybe call Charlie. But most importantly, to call my mum or April and see what the heck was going on.

I ended up with an LG flip phone. It even had a camera. Charlie paid for everything. I had protested that I could pay for it myself, the truth was I couldn’t pay for it because I didn’t have any money. I had no wallet with me and even if I had, I had no idea what the pin was for her debit card.

“Kiddo I need to make sure you can always call me. I’m not going to buy you a crappy phone that will break the moment you need me. You can always call me. When you feel sick or … confused.” _Confused was the term we were using when I didn’t remember something that I suppose to know. Like the date or the fact that Renee never got remarried until Phil. Which made him husband number two instead of number four. _I wondered what had happened with John. Had he ever met my mother? Had he ever known me?

“Promise me you'll call,” Charlie pressed. I just nodded; I couldn’t speak. There was a lump in my throat. I had never been an overly emotional person but these words…_Promise me you'll call. _I had someone to call when things got rough. I have someone now. No, not just someone. I have Charlie, my dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	4. The piece of the puzzle won’t fit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven't posted anything for almost a month? The school-thing that I talked about in my previous A/N kind-off blew up. I switched school and am now taking slightly different classes which are taught at a slower pace. It's better than my previous school but I'm three weeks behind on everyone. I'm still catching up but hopefully, I will be able to post more frequently. And I hope that, once I'm caught up, I'll be able to post once a week but I can't make any promises. 
> 
> Once again I'm so sorry it took me forever! But I hope you enjoy this chapter!

It was 3:00 am and I was still awake. There were so many things bugging me. After I had arrived ‘home’, I had walked into, what I assumed was my bedroom. It was… messy sort of. Okay, if I was being honest, I didn’t like it at all. It just wasn’t my style at all. The purple bedding was the best thing in the whole room. There were books lying around everywhere. I didn’t mind the books, it gave me something to do, but why didn’t she just put them on a shelf. Didn’t this girl organise anything? There were also a lot of stuffed toys in random places. The posters and photos made the room feel very crowded. If I was going to stay here for a while, I might as well re-decorate.

Charlie woke up around 7 o’clock and when I heard him go downstairs, I decided that it was time to get up. We had agreed that, if I took it easy, I wouldn’t have to be in bed all day. I wondered if re-decorating a room fell in the ‘taking it easy’ category. _Better not to tell Charlie what I’m planning on doing today. _

“Good morning dad.” The “dad-thing” was surprisingly easy. I expected it to be awkward, but it wasn’t. maybe because Charlie had been a great dad so far. Charlie was now eating his breakfast at the kitchen table. And here, in the kitchen, I ran into another memory problem. _Where were the coffee mugs? _I needed coffee in the morning to function properly. I was so addicted to coffee that April had given me a shirt that said; _“not now Satan, I didn’t drink my coffee yet”._

“So, are you going to be home for dinner? Should I cook? I don’t know if we even have any food in the house. Maybe I should go to the store.” I started to open the kitchen cabinets. Hoping that I would find a mug and could pass my searching of as ‘looking for food’.

“We could order take out if you’d like.” I found a mug then and since I didn’t feel like cooking, I agreed on ordering take out later tonight. I had lived most of my collage live eating take out. April, who was a lot healthier when it came to food, would always give me a disapproving look whenever I was eating on the bed while doing my homework. “We have a dining hall, you know. It’s that place where they give you salads and stuff.” Of course, I knew that we had a dining hall but eating alone in a big hall like that wasn’t really my thing and April had a class when I had time for dinner so… take out it was. I remembered that one time when she commented on the dining hall and I had stuffed my mouth with a veggie nugget before answering, crumbs were flying everywhere. April had given me such a dirty look that I had almost choked because I was laughing so hard. 

“I’m off to work. Call if you need anything.” Charlie’s voice pulled me out of my daydream before I became too sad. Was there ever a chance of going and seeing April again? Could I ever thank her for such an amazing friendship? Charlie gave me an awkward shoulder pad as he passed by. His awkward way of caring for me was touching and something I was unused to. I heard the front door open and then close and finally, I was alone. Charlie was a nice person to be around, but it was tiring to keep up this façade. Pretending to know what I was doing and where everything was. So, first thing first I started to explore the kitchen. From figuring out where Charlie put the plates till knowing where the cleaning supplies were. _I can do this. I can do this. This little house I can get to know as if I have always lived here. If Charlie askes for paper towels I will know where they are. I can do this. _

The pep-talk didn’t help. I’ve never been a pep-talk person. After getting to know the kitchen and living room, I moved upstairs. If I was going to re-decorate this room, my room, I would need a lot of time to sort through everything. I started with collecting all the books and putting them on the bed. After that, I took all the stuffed toys off the shelf and put them in a trash bag that I had found downstairs. I wouldn’t throw anything away, because what if this Bella came back. While sorting through everything I practised the things I needed to know. “I’m Isabella Marie Swan, I’m 17 years old and it is currently February 2005” _That was one of the things that messed me up the most. I hadn’t just gone to a different universe, or whatever you wanted to call this, I had also managed to travel back in time. I was no longer an “almost adult 20-year-old”, but a 17 years old girl. _I remembered being 17 and it wasn’t a good year for me. Mum was single at the time and enjoying it. She was bringing a lot of different guys home every weekend and I was slowly growing into a more feminine body. Meaning that while mum was passed out from drinking too much, they would look at me. From that moment on, I locked my bedroom door whenever I could. Mum often got angry because of it. She was used to just barging in and couldn’t do that anymore. But she had never woke up to a stranger standing in the doorway watching you sleep. I don’t even remember the guy’s name, but I remember his face and the look he had on it. No, whenever I was home, I locked my bedroom door.

It was around three when I heard the doorbell ring. I was kind of scared to open the door. Not because I was scared to get kidnapped or anything. I was pretty good at defending myself, but more because the only two people, I didn’t mind seeing were away. Charlie was at work and Alice was on that camping trip thing with her mom and sisters. The bell rang again, and I walked down the stairs slowly. When I opened the front door, I saw Alice standing there. Behind her, a black car was driving off.

“Alice, I wasn’t expecting you… I thought…” I shook my head. _Did I want to see Alice? I wasn’t sure… being on my own was easy and hard at the same time. my toughs kept drifting off to April, or Renee. Being around Alice meant I had to pretend to have my memory back, but I kept me busy. _  
I decided that I didn’t mind that Alice was here.

“We came back early. I wanted to see you. Are you home alone? What were you doing?” She stepped inside and took off her coat. She was wearing a black legging with a loose white blouse. Not something I would wear when I would go camping. But I had never gone camping before. 

“Oh, you know, just cleaning my room. Nothing interesting.” While cleaning out the room, I hadn’t found a diary. That was a bit of a bummer.

“Can I help. Wait no, are you even supposed to do anything? I thought that you should rest!” she crossed her arms and looked at me with a look that I couldn’t decipher. Was she being serious? Would she tell her dad that I wasn’t following his doctor’s advice? Or worse, tell Charlie. And then he would stay home all day to keep an eye on me and that would drive me mental. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell. But I want to help.” She grabbed my hand and walked towards the stairs. “Which room is yours?” she asked as she walked up the stairs.

“The one with the open door.” As we walked into my room Alice started to talk about re-decorating and buying all this new stuff that I couldn’t afford because I didn’t have any money.

“So, where do you want me to start?” Alice sat down on my bed. I had done a lot already. I had sorted through the books and toys and knickknacks. And when Alice had shown up, I had just started on taking down the fairy lights that were hanging around everywhere.

“If you can start with taking down all the posters and photos and those things? Just put them on the bed and then I can decide what stays and goes and the stuff that stays where it should hang. Is that okay? We can also watch a movie if you want, I have to stay home for at least a week or maybe two.” _Two weeks in which I had nothing to do… honestly, I kind of liked it. I didn’t have to worry about school or homework or my mum. Well, I kind of did have to worry about getting back to my reality? Even saying in my mind made me sound like a crazy person. I hadn’t tried to call April jet. Would she be mad at me for disappearing, or relieved to hear that I was okay? But there was one thing I didn’t want to think about, even if by some chance or miracle I was able to contact April… how would I get back? She couldn’t pull me through the phone back into our reality. Even if I contact April, I had no idea how to get home. Maybe I could find a wonderful wizard who could send me back home. _

“Bella, earth to Bella,” Alice was waving her hand in front of my face. “I think you’ve done enough for today, let me do the rest.” She led me to the bed and sat me down. There was this overwhelming sadness that filled me. My thoughts, which I had been able to control all day by keeping myself busy, had wandered off towards the thoughts I was scared of thinking. Because what if I couldn’t get back? But that was a problem for later. Alice was looking at me with such a worried face.

“Alice I’m fine, really. Don’t worry okay.”

“You’ve been standing there, staring into nothing for 15 minutes. I was starting to wonder if I should call Carlisle.” _ 15 minutes? It couldn’t be that long, could it? There was no way that I had been staring at nothing for 15 minutes. _Alice was still looking worried and I had to come up with an excuse.

“No, really Alice. I’m fine! I just haven’t slept very well last night.” She didn’t look convinced but before she could ask more or call her father, her phone beeped.

“What is it? Do you need to go home?” She shook her head.

“No, that was just Edward telling me he is back and that two of our cousins are at our place now. I’ll see them later. Back to your room, tell me what do you want to do next?”

I gave the directions on what I wanted while Alice worked. She didn’t seem to mind that I was doing nothing while she did all the work. I must have fallen asleep while she was working because when I woke up, she was gone. But before I could panic, I heard her voice come from downstairs followed by Charlie's voice. I looked around the room and was amazed. Not only had she done what I asked, but she had also managed to re-organise the room without waking me up. The only thing that was still in its place was the bed. The desk now stood in front of the window, next to it was the rocking chair. The dresser had been pushed to the side. Before I could further admire Alice’s work, I heard her coming up the stairs.

“Oh, you are awake. I was just coming to collect my bag.” She pointed towards Louis Vuitton handbag that was laying in the rocking chair.

“Are you leaving?” I asked, still sleepy. I felt a bit guilty. She had come over to see me and instead, she had cleaned up my room and I had fallen asleep while she was doing it.

“Esmé called and I have to get home for dinner with our cousins. I can come by tomorrow after school, then we can continue with your room.” She didn’t sound like she was mad. I nodded and got up. While doing that I tripped over the blanked that Alice had covered me with. Her hand shot out to catch me and I half fell into her. I was surprised that she didn’t fall over.

“Thanks,” I muttered a bit embarrassed by my clumsiness. She hugged me and then stepped away. “I’ll come back tomorrow after school. Try to rest and do nothing till I’m here” she laughed, and we walked downstairs. “I’ll bring by some movies tomorrow so we can watch that after we’re done. Bye Charlie” She waved at Charlie, who was sitting in the living room and watching a baseball game.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to fall asleep. You should’ve woken me up.” She laughed and hugged me again. “I think you needed your sleep. And I’ll see you again tomorrow so you can make it up to me.”

“Good luck at school.” She waved as she walked towards a red convertible and got in. I stood outside for a minute, letting the cool air wake me up.

“Bella, are you alright?” Charlie said, standing right behind me. I jumped; I had not heard him get up. “I'm fine dad,” I said once again. Maybe if I said it enough, eventually I would be fine. I just wished everybody would stop worrying about me.

“I’m going back to bed if you don’t mind. I’m still kind of tired.” I wasn’t but he didn’t need to know that. I just wanted to be alone right now.

“Of course, kiddo. Goodnight” I just smiled at him and walked up the stairs. When I was in my room, I started up the computer. This afternoon before Alice came over, I had found a sock filled with cash and I hoped that this Bella wouldn’t mind me borrowing some of it because I needed some new clothes. The only thing she had where jeans and basic shirts. And basic was not something I wore so I was hoping there was a thrift store around that I could go to tomorrow. I google and found two stores. One of them I could walk to in 15 minutes so I would check that one out first.

* * *

I loved this thrift store. Not only had I found 5 new outfits, a new sleepshirt (with an alien on it) and a couple of books that I liked, they also had a 20% discount today. So, when I was walking home, I was feeling pretty good. Better than I had the last couple of days. Nothing cheers a girl up like a successful shopping trip.

After I got home and put everything away, I decided to make hot chocolate milk. What I had noticed about Forks was that it was always raining and cold. Being from Arizona mend that I wasn’t used to the cold. So, I had also stocked up on hoodies. Hoodies were one of my favourite clothing items. Over-sized hoodies with fishnet tights and a pair of doc Martens. I hadn’t found any nice boots at the thrift store so I suppose these Converse shall have to make do for now. With a cup of hot chocolate milk in my hand and a blanket wrapped around me, I sat down in the living room. While I was shopping for clothes, I had also found a couple DVD’s that I liked. One of them was a nightmare on elm street and that brought back a lot of memories. I must have fallen asleep shortly after the opening scene of the movie.

* * *

_“I can’t believe you would pick Jason over Freddy.” It was the first night off we had in days. Starting a new school was always crazy, but starting College was insane. You had to organize your room and decorate it, you had your homework and classes. Every night I felt exhausted. In the roommate department, I had been very lucky. Her name was April and she moved in one day after I had arrived. She let me pick which side of the room I wanted. _

_Now we were sitting on my bed with a laptop between us. _

_“I don’t know, I this Jason is just better. The camp, the killer. It’s better than a dream monster.” I gave her a shove and that caused the popcorn to fly all over the bed. “I’m really glad I don’t have to sleep here tonight,” she said laughing. _

_“Fine, I’ll just sleep with you in your bed,” I said without thinking, trying to get the popcorn off my bed. It was sticky and I didn’t want to wash my bedding again. I had just done that yesterday. It was a pain in the ass and took forever because all the machines were always occupied when I came downstairs to do my laundry. _

_“You’ll sleep with me?” This caused her to laugh even more. She has had to much wine and it was starting to show. _

_“That is not what I meant,” I said as I took the bottle of wine out of her hand. I had said that I didn’t want to drink anything, I hated alcohol. I had seen what it had done with mum. April must have seen me eye the bottle for a little bit too long. _

_“Take a sip. It can’t hurt. I’ll keep an eye on you. We won’t leave the room. nobody has to know,” she leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. “But I want you to start the movie. And we shall see who is the best. Freddy or Jason?” she laughed again and pointed at my laptop. I started the movie but wasn't paying any attention to it. I was still looking at the bottle of white wine. April had already drunk half of it. I know that I had always said that I wouldn’t drink. Alcohol was bad. It made you do stupid things and killed your brain cells. But just a sip wouldn’t hurt, right? This was the thing people did in college, right? Drinking wine with their friends while watching a movie. _

_I took a small sip. I didn’t like the flavour, but I also didn’t hate it like I was expecting. April was watching me now instead of the movie. _

_“Try some more. It took me a while to get used to the flavour.” April laid her head on my shoulder as she turned her attention back to the laptop. I took another sip, and another after that one. The movie all the sudden seemed a lot more interesting. April was giving live commentary which turned the movie more into a comedy than a horror movie. _

_“I’m really glad we did this,” April’s head was still laying on my shoulder and I looked down at her.  
“Me too. We should do this more often,” she continued. I just nodded. I had drunk a little bit too much and everything was a bit fuzzy. “Would you sleep with me,” she asked out of the blue. _

_“APRIL,” I shot up. I knew she had a boyfriend back home and that they were trying the whole long-distance relationship thing. I knew she only asked because I had said it earlier and she, after already haven drunk half a bottle of wine, had misinterpreted it. I wondered if she really meant it. I also wondered if i would? Sleep with April? I wasn’t as opposed to the idea as I thought I would be. To be honest, I had never really thought about being with a girl. Maybe if she didn’t have a boyfriend, and we weren’t drunk, maybe… _

* * *

“Bella?” _April? No not April. She wasn’t here. _I didn’t want to wake up but there was something that wasn’t right, and I couldn’t figure out what, I was still too sleepy.

“Bella,” The voice came from behind me. High and female. Alice was here. It took my brain a minute to catch up. How was she here? Inside my house?

“How did you get in?” I asked and sat up. She stood right behind the couch. Her bag was lying in the chair across from me.

“I used the key hidden under the eaves by the door,” she said it like it was no big deal. Like breaking into people’s houses was normal. “I was worried,” she said right before I could comment on the breaking in thing. “I rang the doorbell a couple of times and you didn’t answer. I thought something bad might have happened. Maybe you passed out or something. I’m sorry. It was an obvious place to hide the key. If I hadn’t found it there, I probably would’ve called your dad or mine.” She sat down on the edge of the couch.

“It’s fine. It is an obvious place and I should probably talk with Charlie about it. You want to go upstairs and continue with my room?” Alice face lit up when I said that.

“Yes, and I got some decorative pillows with me which we don’t use anymore.” Alice stood up and walked into the hallway where she picked up three plastic bags before walking up the stairs.

“Are you coming?” she said over her shoulder. I hurried up the stairs after her, and I almost bumped into her when I walked into my room. She was standing very still in the middle of my room.

“Alice, what are you looking at,” I asked as I walked around her. Then I was that she didn’t seem to be looking at anything, she was just staring off into the distance.

“Alice,” I snapped my fingers right Infront of her face and she didn’t even flinch. “Alice,” I tried again but still I didn’t get a response. _What the heck was she doing? This wasn’t funny. _Then I realised that she probably wasn’t trying to be funny. “Alice,” the panic was now slowly leaking into my voice. I had no idea what I should do. I tried to shake her but still nothing. _Come on Bella, think!_

I ran down the stairs and looked for her purse, which she had left lying in the chair. I searched for her phone and speed dialled number 1. I expected that number one was her dad or maybe her mom, but I wasn’t expecting a rich southern voice to pick up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter. Also, I think I'll introduce Tanya or Kate in the next chapter. Which one should she meet first? Let me know!


	5. A thousand eyes are watching me

I wasn’t expecting a rich southern voice to pick up the phone.

“Alice?” the voice asked after I failed to say anything.

“No, it’s Bella. Alice… She...” _is freaking me out. _

“She what?” the voice demanded. Then I heard a weird sound… like the wind. Had he stepped outside? “She what?” he asked again. 

“She is… ehm... having some kind thing…” _Great way of describing things. _I was expecting him to demand more answers, what I wasn’t expecting was for the doorbell to ring. It made me jump. The ring was followed by rapid knocking.

“I’m coming,” I shouted as I rushed to open the door. When I opened the door, I saw a pretty handsome stranger, for about 3 seconds. Because after that he shoved me aside and rushed inside. I could hear the stairs creak and a door slam.

“Hé, you can’t just come in here like that. Hé. This is breaking and entering. I’m going to call my dad.” No-one answered and since I didn’t hear anything break or Alice scream, I assumed that everything was alright.

“Alice, who is this?” I said as I walked up the stairs. I hoped that she had snapped out of whatever trans she was in earlier. “Alice?”

Alice appeared at the top of the stairs, a smile on her face like nothing had happened.

“Thank you for calling Jasper. Everything is alright now.” Jasper was standing in the door opening of my bedroom.

“Nice to meet you too Jasper. Next time I would appreciate it if you asked me to step aside instead of shoving me out of the way.” He just looked at me and then gave me a small nod. If I had blinked, I would’ve missed it. Alice, all the while, was looking surprised at me. Like she couldn’t believe what I was saying.

“Jasper!” Alice turned around so quickly she became a blur. Jasper muttered something that sounded like “I was worried”. Their eyes met and they seemed to have a silent conversation.

“Well, great. Would anyone like some coffee?” _because I need a cup. _Alice shook her head. “If your boyfriend is going to stay, you may need to explain that to Charlie when he gets home. I can’t imagine that he is okay with me having boys in my bedroom while he isn’t home." I hadn’t figured out yet if my dad was the ‘leave the door open and the lights on’ kind of dad or if he cool with it.

“Jasper, do want something?” He kind of looked surprised that I had asked him the question. But then he shook his head. Alice pulled Jasper into my bedroom as I walked downstairs to grab a cup of coffee. I could hear her talk about all the decoration ideas she had for my bedroom. _Great. _Hadn’t I promised myself that I wouldn’t alter her/my room too much? Because what if this Bella came back. Well, it looked like Alice had different plans. I hoped that this Bella would stay friends with Alice is she came back. 

As I walked back up the stairs, I realised something. How was Jasper here? I called him and the next minute he was at my front door. And I was pretty sure that he didn’t live in my street, or Alice would’ve said something about that. So how was it possible that he was here. I could kind of explain how he would know where I lived. My dad is the chief of police and Forks, for as far as I know, is a small town. But there is no way that he would be able to be here in a minute. Less than a minute even. A weird feeling settled over me. I couldn’t explain why but I didn’t trust it. Something…

“Bella, are you alright?” Alice was standing at the top of the stairs.

“Yes, I’m fine. Why?” 

“Normal people don’t just stop walking halfway up the stairs. You’ve kind of been standing there for a while now. Maybe you should let Carlisle have another look at you? Something could be wrong.” _No, nothing was wrong. Nothing felt wrong. _Yesterday I had also gotten lost in my thoughts. It happened quite often since I had come here.

“No, it’s fine” I looked at Jasper who had appeared behind Alice. “I should be getting home before your father comes back. Alice, call me if…” he stopped talking and looked at me then.

“Did you walk here?” I asked, try to be subtle. I don’t think I succeeded. His eyes narrowed a tiny bit, but he didn’t answer me.

“I’ll have Kate pick me up.” He walked past me, down the stairs and before I had time to open the door for him or even say goodbye, he was gone. “Kate?” I asked Alice while raising an eyebrow. Alice laughed.

“Kate is our cousin,” she said as she held out a hand. “Coming? We still have work to do and I think you promised me that we could watch another movie together.”

“Our cousin? As in both your cousin and Jasper’s cousin?”

* * *

Over the last week, I had asked Alice multiple time if her boyfriend, who was also her adoptive brother apparently, had some kind of superpower. The first time I had asked her, she had laughed. The second time she had given me a mysterious maybe. The third time she had told me to cut it out and that Jasper was a normal boring human being. And then she had gone on for about an hour about how he isn’t boring and that he is the most romantic guy she knows. _Blah blah blah… _I had stopped listening after 15 minutes. All the boyfriend-talk was making me feel very… single.

“Alice, I have to talk to you.” We were laying on my bed and she was painting my nails. My room had turned out better than I had hoped. And I was starting to like it here with Alice and Charlie. That was, until this morning when Charlie had said that we needed to talk.

“What’s bothering you?” Alice closed the nail polish bottle and sat up.

“Charlie... kind of wants me to go back to school. Like this week. He thinks I’m falling too far behind. So, I was wondering if maybe we could tell him that you’re teaching me. And that I’m not falling behind.” I didn’t dare to look at Alice while I was saying this. We're friends, great friends even. But were we friends enough that she would lie for me? _April would. _ Stop it brain!

My thoughts kept bringing up April and I couldn’t control it. I had tried to call her three days ago. I remembered her number, in case of an emergency. The first time I tried I got the out of service message. Then I tried again, and again, and again. After listening to; “We are sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again” for over an hour I had started to cry, and a feeling of desperation swallowed me whole. There was no way to get back. There was no way to contact April. There was no way to get home. I was stuck here, in a world where I didn’t belong. I had played the game. Pretended that I was okay. That I remembered. But I didn’t and I couldn’t keep playing forever. At one point or other, I was going to get caught. And god knows what they would do with me. No-one would believe me if I would tell them the truth. They would call me crazy.

After calling April and crying, there was one other number I could call. I didn’t like calling it but…

“Bella, sweety. How are you? Are you feeling better? I had expected you to call sooner. But Charlie says that you’re tired a lot and that you made a new friend. Alice? How is the weather? I remember that February can be cold in Forks. Make sure to wear an extra cardigan, I don’t want you catching a cold.” Hearing the voice of my mother had been a shock. She still talked a mile a minute but this time it was focused on me. Which also made me realise that, even though I had reached Renee, this wasn’t my Renee. This was Bella’s mom, this Bella. Did she realise how lucky she was to have a mother who cared so much for her? Even if she was… not here right now. Did this Renee also live in Phoenix?

“I’m fine mom, everything is fine. I bought some new clothes to keep me warm. Alice is great, she…” and before I knew it, I talked for an hour and a half on the phone with this woman, who at the same time was my mother but also not. She listened and laughed and cared. She kept asking questions about how my room looked now. I had told her that Alice and I had redecorated. And about the clothes I bought. And after I told her that I wanted to buy more but the stores here weren’t my style, she suggested that Alice and I could go shopping in Port Angeles.

“Isn’t that a lie? We haven’t done any homework.” Alice asked, pulling me back from my thoughts. _No, no homework but we have watched enough films. _Alice loved the tv series ‘Are You Being Served?’. A British sitcom, which takes place in a major department store. I had to admit that after being forced to watch it, I was starting to like it. It had funny jokes and good characters. In return I made Alice watch Poison Ivy and the Crush. Of course, she recognised Alicia Silverstone from Clueless and she decided that that was the next movie we were going to watch together.

“Sort off. It’s not really a lie, right?”

“But it is,” she contradicted me. _Alice, work with me. Please. _

“Alice, please.” I knew begging wasn’t going to help. I had tried it multiple times on different occasions. Alice wasn’t the kind of person that would change her mind with a ‘pretty please’.

“I think it’s a great idea. If you come back to school, we could hang out more.”

“I remember you saying that you and your family don’t really talk to any of the students.” I got up from the bed to put on a hoodie. I had found this cool black Nirvana hoodie at the thrift store. It was old and the yellow wasn’t as bright as I would like it to be, but it was warm.

“Well… it’s different now. We’re friends and you’ve already met Jasper. I’m sure the rest of the family will also like you. Don’t worry Bella, everything is going to be fine. I promise.” Alice stood up just as the doorbell rang.

“That will be my ride. I’ll be down in a minute.” Alice said as she walked into the bathroom. I walked down the stairs slowly. What I found out these past few weeks was that somehow, someway I got cursed with clumsiness in this reality.

I opened the door, not looking at who was there. I was expecting Jasper but instead, I was met with a different pair of golden eyes. 

“Hello, I’m Tanya. I’m here to pick up Alice.” I had to say something, say hi, anything. All I could do was stare like an idiot. Tanya was beautiful. Her blonde hair curled around her face in a way that made me jealous and her lips… 

“I.. ehm.. Alice she..” _God Bella, talk. Say hello, please come in. ANYTHING. _

It took a few seconds for my mouth to catch up. “Alice will be down in a minute. I’m Bella,” I held out my hand. When she shook my hand, the weirdest feeling went through me. I felt so happy, careless. And then I heard Alice coming down the stairs.

“Hello, Tanya. Thank you for picking me up.” Alice took her coat off the coat hanger and walked outside. Tanya looked at me for a few more seconds before she turned around and followed Alice to the car.

“Think about school Bella,” Alice said as she opened the passenger side door of a black Mercedes.

“Think about school Bella,” I mocked under my breath as I stood in the door opening and watched Tanya also get in the car. Before they drove off, they seemed to have a short conversation. But then Alice looked straight at me as if to remind Tanya that I was still here and then the car sped off.

* * *

It was the day I had been dreading. The day I never wanted to come. The day that I had to go back to school. I had begged Charlie not to send me back but since I couldn’t come up with a good argument why I couldn’t go back... I couldn’t tell him that the thought of going back to school was keeping me awake during the night. I would have to navigate through the school as if I knew the place, with people who knew me, but I didn’t know them. And I couldn’t glue myself to Alice side. And if the rest of her family was as scary, weird, whatever as Jasper was... Sure, he had been nice-ish after shoving aside to get to his girlfriend. But also, intense. Something about him said ‘_I could break you in a minute, without breaking a sweat’._

But maybe they were like Tanya. Alice refused to tell more about her, other than that Tanya was one of the cousins from Alaska. Not telling things seemed to be Alice’s thing. She still hadn’t told me how it was possible for Jasper to be here that quickly; she also hadn’t told me what had happened that day in my room. Other than; “I just get that way sometimes. Don’t worry about it”. So, I had to accept that my best friend would sometimes be weird and just stare and sit completely still. She had done it again yesterday after I told her that I had to go back and there was nothing I could do to stop it. This time I didn’t freak out and call her boyfriend (by accident). I just waited it out. After she came back a few minutes later, she just smiled. I had raised an eyebrow, hoping that she would tell me why she was smiling, but she ignored me and went back to looking at a magazine.

“Good luck at school today,” Charlie said as he walked into the hallway to get his coat on and get off to work.

“Thank,” I muttered while pouring myself another cup of coffee. Charlie had commented on my coffee habits the day before yesterday. Saying that I shouldn’t drink it so much because it would give me sleep problems. I had almost answered back that it wasn’t the coffee that was keeping up at night but the thought of going back to school.

This morning I had picked out my favourite outfit; a black and white plaid skirt with a black knitted over-sized jumper. I still only owned a pair of Converse. I hoped that Alice and I could go shopping soon. I had found a promising looking thrift store in Port Angeles and I was hoping that they would have a pair of doc martens in my size.

I checked one last time if I had everything. Alice had just texted me that she would be picking me up in 5 minutes. Because Charlie didn’t want me to drive alone… even though the doctor had said that I was fine. I had been on my own at the house for the last two weeks and nothing had happened. Sure, Alice was here like… all the time, after she got out of school, of course. But Charlie had put his foot down and told me he didn’t want me to drive yet. So, I had two options; letting Charlie bring and pick me up every day or ask Alice.

I zipped up my bright orange backpack, god that was a choice I would’ve never made, even if it had been on sale or something. That meant that a new simple black backpack was also on the list of things I needed to buy. By now over a month had passed here in this reality, and I was sure that I wasn’t getting back any time soon. I tried not to think about it.

Outside a car honked its horn and I assumed that that was Alice. As I walked outside, I saw a silver Volvo parked in front of my house. Alice opened the window of the back seat and told me to hop in the passenger side seat. I sat down and sitting next to me was a bronzed hair boy.

“Hello, my name is Edward Cullen,” his voice sounded strained. And he only looked at me for a second before he focused his eyes on the road. _Great another weird family member… _I was off to a great start of the day.

“Alice, would you know where I could pick up my schedule? I seemed to have lost mine when we were cleaning up my room.” I hoped that that wasn’t a weird question to ask. But Alice didn’t seem to think it was weird as she answered, “At the front office. I’ll walk you there.”

As we got closer and closer to the school, I could feel myself getting more and more nervous. _I can do this, I can do this._ I kept repeating it over and over again my head. But I could feel the palms of my hand getting sweaty. An annoying thing that always happened to me when I got nervous. I had it when I had to do a presentation, or before a big test. _There is nothing scary about going back to school. How different can it be from Phoenix? I already finished high school once, doing it again is no big deal. _I could feel my nerves slowly calm down. I was still scared of the idea, but I couldn’t feel it anymore.

“Are you coming.” Alice was standing outside the car, holding my door open. Apparently, we were already here. The building didn’t look that big. Maybe I could do this. And I would have Alice to help me navigate through the first day. We had parked next to a red convertible. Why would anyone own a convertible in a rainy town like this?

Alice helped me pick up my schedule and walked me to my first class. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the same classes as me. What was even worse was that the moment I walked into the classroom everybody, and then I mean everybody, stared at me. Not a simple lookup and look down like we did in college when someone entered the lecture hall after class had already started. No this was a full-on goldfish stare. The teacher was the first one to recover.

“Welcome back miss Swan.”

“Thank you. Where can I sit?” I asked while trying not to look at anybody.

“At your old seat. Eric will tell you where we are and just follow along until you catch up.” The teacher went back to reading whatever paper he was reading before I walked in. _My old seat. Fuck. _A quarter of the seats were still empty but then I saw someone wave at me. I hoped that that was Eric.

As I sat down next to him, he started talking immediately.

* * *

My head hurt. And that was the understatement of the century. Eric had asked all kind of questions; some I could answer without lying but mostly I lied. I lied a lot. And I had to pretend to like him but to be honest, he was annoying the heck out of me. Couldn’t he pock nose in someone else’s business? After Eric there was Jessica. Who didn’t just have one, but two classes with me. And she talked even more than Eric. At least Eric had stopped talking after the teacher had started his class. Jessica did not. She just whispered and the teacher either didn’t hear it or ignored it. I was ready to cry or scream.

Jessica walked with me to the canteen. While she kept talking, I was looking for Alice. She had to save me. As we entered the canteen, I saw her sitting with Jasper and Edward and two other kids. _Thank god. _

“Jessica, I promised Alice I would eat lunch with her.” She just looked at me like I had said something weird.

“You what?”

“I promised Alice I would eat lunch with her?” I repeated it but this time it sounded more like a question. I looked at Alice and she was staring at me. _Should I go sit with her? _Jessica made a big deal out of it but… “I’m gonna go now.” I walked off towards Alice. It felt like the whole canteen when quiet as I got closer to their table and I could feel eyes burning in my back. I wasn’t going to turn around and confirm it.

“Alice. I can eat lunch with you right?” I asked, suddenly unsure. _Why was this weird? She was my friend. She hung out at my place all the time. This shouldn’t feel so wrong._

“Of course, you can eat lunch with us,” Alice answered cheerfully. She pulled out the chair next to her, but the blonde girl spoke up.

“Alice, she can’t be here,” she said through her teeth.

“Alice?” I asked again. Unsure if I should sit down.

“No,” Edward said, and the blonde girl now looked angry at him. And I was still standing. I could feel the eyes on my back. There were quite whispers. This was a mistake. Alice hadn’t told them about me? _Didn’t she want people to know we were friends?_

“I… I should go,” I said as I rushed away towards the exit. I could hear Alice call out for me, but I did turn around. As I got out of the building I started to run. I wanted to go home. It was rain again, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting away from this place. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t keep pretending. I was losing. But this wasn’t a game anymore. This was real life. My life.

I wasn’t looking where I was going as I ran, and I ran into something hard. As the ground connected with the palms of my hands, I feel the skin scraping open and blood starting to flow. _Auw. _

“Are you alright?” a familiar voice asked. It wasn’t something I had run into, it was someone. And not just someone, it was Tanya. _Could my day get any worse? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	6. A drop of blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everybody! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, or if you don't celebrate Christmas, a nice holiday. 
> 
> I struggled a bit with a writer's block this past month and would love to hear what you want to see happen next! Maybe it will give me some inspiration.

I couldn’t answer her. The air seemed to have troubles reaching my lungs. I was never a sportsperson. I was already out of breath when I walked up a pair of stairs. Though since I started college, I had walked a lot of stairs, somehow the elevator in our dormitory was always broken. Tanya kneeled in front of me.

“You need to get off the street darling.” _Darling? Street? Oh, right. I was in the street. _And then I heard the car coming and someone yelled. I was pulled up and Tanya dragged me to the sidewalk. “Bella?” she asked again. I shook my head, _Focus Bella. That car could’ve hit you! _ I took a deep breath.

“I’m alright,” I managed to say. I wasn’t. I was miles away from alright. “I just… need some coffee.” _Yeah, coffee was always a good idea. _Tanya smiled at that and took my hand. The palms of my hands had scrapes on them, and some were bleeding. She slowly touched my palm and started to whip the gravel and dirt off them. I winced when she touched on of the bigger scrapes. I looked up at Tanya, but she only had attention for my hand. “Tanya” I whispered. My voice seemed to break through the trans that she was in and she let go of my hand.

“Coffee huh. I think that shouldn’t be a problem. Skipping school?” she said as if nothing had happened. I nodded and she led me to the car. “So, what kind of coffee do you like? There is a Starbucks not far from here.” I tried to think where that Starbucks might be but as far as I knew there was no Starbucks anywhere near this little town. Her car was nice and warm. The rain had calmed down, but my wet hair was still dripping down my neck. It gave me a shiver. Tanya noticed and turned the heater on before she started the car.

“Tanya where are we going?” I asked as I saw the sign that said that we were leaving the town. “Starbucks. You said you wanted coffee.” As soon as we had left the town, I felt the car speed up. “If we are going to a city, can we stop at a Walmart? I need a pyjama. Forks is colder than I expected.” I had been planning on asking Alice if she could take me shopping since I couldn’t drive myself. I really needed to talk to Charlie about letting me drive a car again. It was starting to become annoying and after what happened at the lunch table, I didn’t know if I wanted to stay so dependent on Alice. Tanya made a sharp turn and I grabbed the door handle so I wouldn’t fall over and land on top of her lap.

“You drive like a maniac, you know that, right?” Tanya snickered. “You sound like my sister. She too likes to complain about my driving. Do you want to talk about what happened at school?” Her voice was softer now. _Did I want to talk about what had happened? No, not really. I had overreacted. The lack of sleep and the stress was getting to me. But I did want to talk about everything that had happened since I came here. I wanted to tell the truth. But I couldn’t, she was staying at the Cullens. And if I said something that worried her, she could talk to Doctor Cullen and then I would be in so much trouble. _I shook my head. Better not to say anything, but there was one thing that was bugging me.

“Tanya, why were you there. At the school I mean. You don’t go there.” At first, she didn’t answer. And after a while, I thought that I wasn’t going to get an answer.

“I was worried.” She didn’t look at me as she said it. The car slowed down a bit.

“About?” I asked when she didn’t continue.

“You. Alice talked about how nervous you were to start school. I was worried about what might happen.” _We have met for a few minutes and now she is worried about me? It doesn’t make sense. But a lot doesn’t make sense. I got into a car with a stranger and I’m not worried. I felt safe with Tanya. _

“Walmart,” Tanya said as she parked the car. I hadn’t even realised we were already there. _She did drive like a maniac_. “Let’s get you some pyjama’s before getting coffee.”

* * *

I didn’t just get one, but two pyjamas. Tanya assured me they were warm enough for Forks. After Walmart, we went to Starbucks, which was only a five-minute drive away. When we walked inside, I almost felt at home. Starbucks had been one of my favourite places in Phoenix. I would bring a book with me and take a seat in one of the big armchairs. I could sit there the whole afternoon, just reading and drinking coffee. After I left for college, I didn’t get to do that as much anymore. The coffee-place on campus didn’t have a lounge area and my dorm room was too small to fit one of those nice comfy armchairs in it.

I was too deep in thoughts, once again, to notice anything around me. It was only when Tanya placed her hand on my arm, I noticed that it was our turn to order.

“One Soy Vanilla Latte.” I looked at Tanya to see what she wanted.

“Nothing for me. And it's my treat.” She took her wallet out of her bag and paid before I could object.

“Are you sure? I can pay you back.” I didn’t like it when people paid for me.

“I’m sure. Go pick a place to sit” she nodded toward the little sitting area. “kay.” Tanya stayed behind to wait for the coffee to be ready. I picked a seat near the window that looked out over the parking lot. School would be out by now. Maybe I should call Charlie, let him know that I was out with a friend. Maybe I should also call Alice and ask what happed after I had left. Had the school already called Charlie? Or were they just going to give me detention the next time I showed up?

“Your coffee” Tanya put the coffee down in front of me. “Thank you.” I sipped my coffee, but it was still too hot and burned my tongue. “Do you think I will get into trouble for skipping school?” I asked after a minute.

“I don’t think so. It was your first day back. I think they will go easy on you and if you promise to not do it again then maybe you get away with it.”

“I wish you were in school with me. It would make things way easier.” I looked out of the window when I said this. It was true but it felt weird admitting it.

“Have you thought about what you want to do after you finish high school?” Tanya sat back in the chair and crossed her legs. She looked so… put together. Like she had her whole life figured out, but she couldn’t be much older than 26 or so. Did six years really make that big of a difference because I was a mess before all of this happened? Living on coffee and take out. Staying up way too late because I couldn’t stop reading a book. And then the next morning I would regret it. The only thing that went right was my homework. I liked my classes and didn’t mind the homework. Maybe if I was going to stay that long I would like to continue my classes and get my bachelor's degree in journalism.

“I would like to study journalism” I answered. Tanya smiled. “Where?” That was a question I hadn’t thought about. When I studied in Arizona, I had to stay close to home because of my mum. Here I didn’t have to do that. If I wanted, I could study anywhere, I could go to Europe.

“The University of Alaska had a great journalism program.”

“Alaska?” Why would she recommend that place? Wasn’t it like always cold there? I was already freezing my but off in Forks.

“That’s where my sisters and I live.” She almost looked embarrassed when she said this. And it felt like she should’ve blushed, but her skin was just as white as it had always been.

“I haven’t really thought about where I want to study. Maybe I should come to visit when you get back, so I can see if I like Alaska.” _What had made me say THAT. What I had meant to say was, thanks but I think I will study somewhere warm. Probably Arizona. I had not meant to say, oh fun yeah, of course, I’ll consider Alaska. I like freezing my but off. _I barely survived Forks weather, and that was just rain and wind. I can’t deal with snow.

“Of course, you can come to visit. I’ll make sure we’ll stop by the university when you come over. Maybe during summer break?” _This was moving really fast. I did, kind of, wanted to spend more time with Tanya but spending a holiday with her…_

“I’ll have to check with Charlie of course, and my mum.”

* * *

The car ride back was a bit awkward. I didn’t know what to say but it felt like I should say something.

“So how long are you going to be staying in Forks?” I didn’t mean to sound so nosy but when I had voiced the question it sounded all wrong like I was asking when she would leave. Tanya didn’t seem to notice that it sounded wrong. “Probably for another week or two. We don’t get to see our cousins as much as we would like.”

“Why not?”

“Alaska.” That was the only thing she said. It took a moment before I realised that it was probably because of the distance. She must have seen the realisation on my face because she smiled. “Do you miss them? When you are in Alaska, I mean.”

“Sometimes. But it’s always been my sisters and me. As long as we have each other, we’ll be fine.” I never had a sister, nor did I ever want one. But the way Tanya spoke about her sisters made me curious what it must be like to have a sister. I pulled on a loose thread of my jumper. We were almost home and even thou the silence was awkward, and I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want Tanya to go.

“Your dad is home already,” Tanya said as she parked the car in front of the house. I saw the cruiser parked on the driveway. I hoped he hadn’t been worried about me. It was a little after five and I guess, unless Charlie had cooked, we were going to have to order take-out.

“Do you want to come in?” I offered, wondering what I would say to Charlie. _Hey dad, this is Tanya. She is Alice cousin and I skipped school today so we could get coffee… oh and I bought a pyjama, wanna see? _I smiled at the thought.

“Maybe next time,” I nodded and got out of the car. “Next time,” I said, and she drove away. I was happy it wasn’t raining because I stood on the side of the street, looking at the car till it turned around the corner and I could no longer see it.

“I’m back,” the house was nice and warm when I got inside but I couldn’t smell any food cooking. Take-out it would be. Charlie looked up from the TV. “Hey Bells, how was school?” _Lie._ That was the first thought I had. Tell him it was nice and then go upstairs.

“It was… a lot. Seeing everyone. I ran into a friend and we decided to get coffee, that’s why I’m late.” I had expected him to be worried or even angry. He muted the tv and turned around. The break had started and some commercial about cereal was on now.

“Alice called to let me know that you would be home later. That her cousin would drop you off before dinner and that everything was fine. She also said that you may want to talk about what happened during lunch.” You could see that he was trying to be a good parent but that he didn’t know what to do and the whole ‘talking about your feelings’-thing wasn’t his thing. Still, it was nice that he tried.

“I’ll order Chinese and then, yes I would like to talk about what happened.”

* * *

Charlie was a good listener; he didn’t try to give advice but just sat there and let me talk about the horrible day at school. I left out the part where I skipped school, but I think he knew anyway.

“So, what do you want to do now?” he asked after I was done. _What did I want to do? I didn’t want to quit. I knew if I quit, then I would never get into college and I would never become a journalist. And the more I thought about Alaska, the more I wanted to go there. Well… if I didn’t think about the freezing cold there and just focused on college and Tanya… Since when had I become so obsessed? But there was something about her. Not just her beauty, because as it turned out all the Cullens where beautiful. No, it was something about her, her strength. She was a leader. She knew what to do and I felt that, if the situation ever arose, she would be fully capable of taking charge and I wouldn’t have worry. _

“Bella?” Charlie was still waiting on an answer.

“I need to talk to Alice, and tomorrow I would like to stay at home. After that… I would like to try again.” Charlie smiled at that and then finished his beer.

After dinner, I called Alice and she apologised for what happened. And I told her that it was not her fault, but next time she should warn me that her brothers and sister didn’t want me to have lunch with them. Alice tried to explain that it wasn’t like that and that it was complicated. I pretended to be okay with it but when I got back to school, I would sit with Jessica and her friends. I wouldn’t humiliate myself like that again. If Alice wanted to have lunch together, she could sit with me.

When I hung up the phone, I told Charlie that I was going to bed early because I was tired. But once in my room, I sat on my bed and stared outside. I made the decision that I was going to try harder. I wasn’t going to pretend to be this Bella anymore until I somehow magically made it back home. This was my life now, and I was going to make it a life I wanted. This Bella wasn’t coming back, nor was I ever going to make it back to my world. I was going to finish high school and then continue my journalism studies.

I was no longer going to live in the shadow of Bella Swan anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	7. Let’s have some fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write sooner but had no inspiration. After making four moodboard for this story, I finally found something to write about. Bella and Kate finally meet and go out for a day of fun. The links to the moodboards (for those who are interested) are above the header picture.

** [Moodboard 1](https://66.media.tumblr.com/84de888c7b31533383e9fc1a10fb8b50/90203235298e7217-d6/s500x750/790eb6b5d729ea84fe72615992582d2e6fe38663.png) **

** [Moodboard 2](https://66.media.tumblr.com/dd88457f8115d99d28c4cb6aa8662b69/90203235298e7217-7e/s500x750/a701e8473afe3596efcd532f223ddce6f213ee03.png) **

** [Moodboard 3](https://66.media.tumblr.com/3608bc48e77454bcade4012fc3c3e3a4/28f3314a89e1b083-25/s540x810/dbf0ecd2c51b71da6d2de0dd2d84871bae8801c7.png) **

** [Moodboard 4 ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/49b03f3271847f81bf4c4ff3e4d868c1/372486dfc4c6897f-d8/s540x810/433f1ad803335ebcf6516faf927232a5d29132f3.png) **

I wanted to sleep in, but something woke me. It took me a minute to realise that the noise that woke me up was my ringtone. It took me another minute to find where I had put my phone the night before. I found it under a hoodie that was lying on the floor. 

“Hello?” Who would call me this early in the morning? The answer was Alice. Her high voice was talking too fast for me to understand what she was saying. Or maybe I was still half asleep. 

“Bella are you listening?” _no Alice, I’m not. What do you want? _I realised that I had said the words out loud. Oops. But what was the point of having a day off if you weren’t going to sleep in and Alice had woken me up way too early. It was only… I had to check the clock on my nightstand, 8:20. 

“I said that you need to get dressed” She sounded a bit annoyed with me. “Why?” I could hear her sigh before starting to talk again. “Because Kate is picking you up to go shopping.” _Kate? _Why would Kate be picking me up? And I hadn’t agreed to go shopping. I had been thinking about it thou and wouldn’t mind it much but still… it was rude to just assume. And I had been planning on calling Tanya and going for coffee somewhere. Maybe she could tell me more about Alaska. 

“Why?” I asked again. 

“Just go with it, Bella. Get dressed.” And before I could say anything Alice had hung up. “Get dressed” I mocked as I got out of bed and looked outside. Rainy and cold, as usual. Perfect sweater weather. I combined the dark grey, oversized sweater with a black leather mini skirt and unfortunately the Converse. I needed better shoes, that would be the first thing I would look for. Who wore Converse in this rainy town? They would get soaked within minutes in the rain and my foot would freeze off. I made a mental list of things I needed to get as I went downstairs to get coffee and make some toast. 

As I was drinking my coffee the doorbell rang. When I opened the door a saw a woman who was just as beautiful as the rest of her family. Her blonde hair was straight and parted in the middle and she was a bit taller than me, but not much. She was dressed in jeans and a black leather jacket. 

“Hello, I’m Kate,” she said. I had never met Kate. I only knew of her because she had picked Jasper up when he had come to my house. 

“I’m Bella. Would you like to come in?” she laughed as she walked in. “I assumed Alice already called you and informed you that we are going to Port Angeles.” Kate sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. She didn’t seem to think that it was weird to come to a stranger’s house, pick them up and go shopping. 

“Yes, she said that you wanted to go shopping but she didn’t say why. We’ve never met before. I just…” _think it’s weird._ But I didn’t say that out loud. 

“I know. But Alice has been talking about you and then yesterday Tanya came home so I thought it was my turn to hang out with you. You don’t mind, do you?” I just sat there, stunned. Her turn to hang out with me. I didn’t know I was wanted. “Ehm… I’m going to get my bag.” I muttered as I fled from the room. I almost fell when the toe of my shoe got caught on the upper step of the stairs but righted myself before I hit the floor. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Kate’s visit was unexpected, but she seemed nice. I needed to go to Port Angeles anyway and since Charlie still didn’t want me to drive, this was the perfect opportunity. There was no need to make a big deal out of this. Tanya was probably busy anyway and I could sleep in on the weekend. 

In my room, I grabbed my handbag and checked my wallet. I didn’t have a lot of money, so I pulled the sock from under the mattress and pulled out some random bills. I didn’t expect to spend much, but shoes and a backpack could be expensive. And I would really like some more clothes that were my style. Some skirts, band shirts, hoodies, oversized sweaters. Anything other than jeans and a flannel. 

“I like your outfit,” Kate said as I walked slowly down the stairs. Fallen when you ran down the stairs hurt a lot more than when you fell walking up the stairs. 

“Thanks” I could feel the blush on my cheeks and looked down, stroking an imaginary wrinkle out of my skirt. 

“Shall we go?” 

* * *

The first few minutes in the car were awkward, to say the least. I didn’t know what to talk about. With Tanya it had also been a bit awkward, but she had kept asking questions until I felt comfortable. Kate had a little smirk on her face but said absolutely nothing. Like she was waiting for me to say something. It took me another 5 minutes before I found something to say, by that time we had already left Forks. Kate drove slower than Tanya, more relaxed. Soft Jazz music filled the car and if it wasn’t for the awkward vibe, I would’ve felt very relaxed.

“So where are we going?” I asked. I knew we were going to Port Angeles, but I had no idea where she was planning on shopping. “Alice told me you wanted to go shopping, so I saw an opportunity to hang out with you. Alice hasn’t been able to shut up about you and Tanya took you out for coffee. She hasn’t done that in centuries.”

“Alice knew I wanted to go shopping?” I had been planning on asking Alice but hadn’t actually gotten around to doing it.

“She has a weird six sense about shopping. Don’t go shopping with Alice. You will spend thousands of dollars on unnecessary things.” I laughed at that. I wonder what Alice would’ve thought about my idea to go thrift shopping.

“So, what do you want to do first. I heard you are a coffee addict but maybe we should save the coffee until after the shopping?”

“Later is fine. I looked up a thrift store and found a promising looking one. Maybe we can go there” I suggested. Kate’s smile grew and there was a little twinkle in eyes. Like something was very funny but I didn’t get it.

“Let go there.”

The rest of the drive went by easy. Kate talked about her home in Alaska and what she did there. She talked about her visit here in Forks and how nice it was to see the rest of the family again. I tried to be as honest as I could with her. I told her that I had lived with my mother in Phoenix and that I had moved here when she remarried. She asked about how I was liking school here and I confessed that I hated it.

“Some memories are still… vague. Not the classes or homework. That’s just fine. I’m a bit behind in algebra but... the people. I didn’t know if I should call them friends. I think I was friends with them before, but I can’t really remember. And they keep talking like I should know them, and it gives me a headache.” then I realised what I had just said.

“I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure that you didn’t sign up to be my therapist. Let’s just not talk about school. Anything but school.”

“So, what’s your favourite tv show?” Kate asked as if nothing had happened and I could see we were going to get along just fine. I told her that I liked the X-files but had only seen the first three seasons because those were the only ones I had on DVD.

Kate had no trouble finding the store and it was bigger than I expected. As I exited the car and looked around to see what else was here Kate grabbed my hand. “So, you don’t get lost,” she said with a big teasing smile. “Haha,” I said but didn’t let go of her hand. That same weird feeling of comfort came over me again. Maybe it was a family thing.

“So, what do you need?” Kate asked as she looked around. I listed all the things that I really needed and things that I would like to get if they were not too expensive. Shoes were at the top of my list.

* * *

The shopping trip had been a success. We put the five full shopping bags in the back of the car. I had a whole new wardrobe in a style that fitted me better. Kate had so much fun finding clothes for me and styling them. She kept bringing more and more to the changing room. I barely had time to look around before she would come back with another bulk of clothes for me to try on. I had also found a simple black backpack. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any Doc Martens, but they had a pair of black combat boots. The real ones like they would wear in the army. Kate said that they looked really good on me, so I got those too.

I had also found out that Kate if given the chance, would use every opportunity to sneak into the changing room with me. It didn’t bother me that she saw me in my underwear but after being told that my underwear was boring, I had kicked her out. Now we were on our way too Victoria Secret to find me some better underwear.

“I had just expected you to wear something a little sexier. That leather skirt looks so good on you and then you take it off and underneath it was plain cotton. I’m not saying you should change it.”

“No, I’ve made up my mind. You think I should wear something else; you can get me something else.”

“I can get you anything?” Kate asked something in her tone prevented me from saying yes.

“Within reason, yes.” I didn’t sound so sure anymore and I was certain that I was going to regret this.

* * *

I regretted it the moment Kate got out of the car and told me to stay put. I regretted it even more when she got back half an hour later with two bags which looked to be full. I had thought that she would get me one, maybe two things. Not two bags.

“Now we can go for coffee. Are you also hungry? I don’t know if you can get lunch at Starbucks. I have to admit that I have been there.” I wasn’t listening to what she was saying. I was trying to figure out how much could be in the bags.

“Kate…”

“Don’t worry, it could’ve been worse,” she said as she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

“How?”

“I could’ve been Alice,” Kate said laughing. I had no idea what that meant but I was pretty sure I didn’t want to find out. We both got a cup of coffee at Starbucks and sat down in a quiet corner when Kates phone went off. She pushed the decline button but didn’t put her phone down. Another beep told me she got a text and while she read it she smiled.

“Pose for the picture darling,” she said a moment before she took it. I had just taken a sip of coffee and after all the clothes that I had tried on, I was pretty sure my hair was a mess.

“What was for?” I asked and put my cup down to brush my hands through my hair.

“Tanya wants proof that I haven’t eaten you alive yet,” Kate said with a cheeky smile.

“You can tell that she doesn’t have to worry. I’ll bite back if you try.” I could swear her golden eyes went darker for a second but when I blinked to check, they were to their honey golden colour. Weird, must have been the light or something.

When we walked out of Starbucks it was starting to rain. Kate suggested that we should head back home so I could try on all the stuff she bought, but I convinced her to make one more stop before we went back. 

* * *

“You changed your hair,” Charlie said was Kate and I walked in. I had asked Kate to drop me off at the hairdressers and told her she should go and wander around the mall. I didn’t want her input on what I was going to do. I had asked the hairdresser to bring out the red in my hair more, like a lot more. After the awkward car ride this morning, I had thought that Kate could never be speechless. The whole day she had talked but when I step out of the salon and she saw me all she could do was stare. For a second I felt self-conscious, what if it didn’t look as good as I thought it did. But then she found her voice and made a comment about redhead and their sex-lives. I was pretty sure I blushed as red as my hair now was and almost dragged her out of the mall. People were staring.

“Do you like it?” I asked Charlie. He was sitting in front of the TV watching a game. I had texted him that I wouldn’t be home for dinner, and he had apparently ordered take out. “It suits you.”

“Kate and I are going to put my stuff upstairs.”

“Kate?” I had almost forgotten that Charlie had never met Kate.

“Alice’s cousin. She and I went shopping today.”

“Did you have a good time?” I nodded and Charlie smiled. “Good,” then he turned back to the tv and Kate walked in with all the bags.

“I could’ve helped,” I said as I closed the door behind her. She had told me to go inside and show my new look to my dad and that she would get the stuff. “It’s fine. Hello Chief Swan,” she said as she dropped the bags. Charlie turned around and did a pretty good job at hiding his shock. I knew he was used to the almost unnatural beauty of the Cullens, but Kate looked really good too. “Hello, you must be Kate.”

“Let’s go upstairs.”

When we were in my room, with the door safely closed, I pulled the Victoria Secret bag from the pile to see what she had bought me. She had forbidden me to peek and the one time I tried; she had slapped my hand away while she was driving.

“Kate this is too much,” I said as I turned the bag upside down. Luckily the receipt was also there, and I grabbed it so I could return everything and tell Alice to give the money I got to Kate. Kate noticed my plan and made a grab for the receipt. I was quicker and put it in the back pocket of my skirt. Her eyes narrowed and I thought that she would make another attempt to get the receipt instead she started gabbing items of the pile and pulled their tag off.

“Kate,” I yelled while trying to push her away without any luck. “You can’t return the items without their tags. Guess you’re going to have to keep them now.”

“Stop it, what if they don’t fit. Kate, stop” she dropped the bra and grabbed my hands. “I’m guessing you’re going to have to try them on now.” Her golden eyes looked almost black in the dim light of my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	8. I dreamed that you bewitched me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the chapter title is from a poem by Sylvia Plath; "Mad Girl's Love Song".  
The full line is "I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed. And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane."

Her golden eyes looked almost black in the dim light of my room. I felt like the air was too thick to breathe and all I could do was stare at her lips as she slowly leaned closer. I really hoped that the game Charlie was watching, was interesting so he would stay downstairs. “Kate,” I breathed. 

We were rudely interrupted by Kate’s cell phone. I could hear Kate sighed before pulling away. 

“Tanya,” she answered without looking at caller-ID. “Well... maybe you shouldn’t snoop around other people’s business.” It was quiet for a moment and I could hear Tanya’s voice through the phone but couldn’t make out what she was saying. 

“Whatever.” When Kate hung up, I could still hear Tanya talking. The phone was shoved into the back pocket with such force that I felt sorry for the jeans she was wearing. They were good jeans, they made her ass look really good. Every girl needs a pair of jeans like that. 

“Are you alright?” I kind of didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go back to the playfulness we had experienced moments ago, but the moment was ruined. 

“I need to home.” For one moment I panicked. Home as in Alaska. I didn’t realise I had spoken those words out loud. “No, not Alaska,” Kate said with a little laugh. 

“We should do this again soon,” she said as she put on her coat. 

“I don’t think my bank account is up for that. Maybe next time a movie.” 

“Great idea,” she said as she walked toward my bedroom door. But before she opened it, she turned around and walked back. She kissed me so quickly and lightly that I almost thought I had imagined it. But before I could say anything, she had left. I could hear her say goodbye to Charlie. I rushed to the window to see her get into the car and then speed off. 

* * *

The next morning when I got ready for school, Kate texted me. 

> ‘_Good luck today. I’m sure it will be fine. Can't wait to see you again soon. Love, Kate.’_

I could do this. I read Kate’s text once more and then put my phone in my backpack. As I was walking down the stairs, I saw that Charlie was about to leave. 

“Good morning dad. Good luck at work. Will you be home for dinner?” I stood still at the bottom of the stairs. 

“I don’t know. I got a call this morning about a bear attack. Don’t know how long it’s going to take. Why don’t you invite Alice over tonight? You can order Pizza.” 

“I rather have Chinese, but I think that’s a good idea. I will put the leftovers in the fridge for you.” I walked into the kitchen, dropping my backpack on one of the kitchen chairs. I put some bread in the toaster. Charlie had already made coffee and luckily it was still warm. I poured some and then added some vanilla sirup I had bought yesterday. I hopped onto the counter while waiting for the toast to be ready. 

Just when I had finished my toast and was about to drink the last of my coffee, I heard the honking of a car horn. _Time to go back to school_. I hoped that it would go better than last time. I was apparently taking too long because someone rang the doorbell. “Coming.” I rolled my eyes as I went to get the door. _Impatient much?_

I was expecting to see Alice, but it was Edward who was standing in front of the door. “I just need to get my coat. Give me a minute.” I turned around to grab my coat from the coat hanger. 

“You changed your hair” I heard him say as I walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open. “Yes, I just wanted something different.” I grabbed my backpack and walked back. “I’m ready.”

The drive was a little awkward. I could feel Alice wanted to say something, but I kept staring straight ahead. Jasper was whispering something to her, but I couldn’t hear what he said. To be honest, I didn't care what he was saying as long as it wasn’t about me. Which I had a feeling it was. It was raining again and there was quite a bit of wind. I shivered and pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands. I should’ve brought my gloves or maybe I shouldn't have worn tights. But then I wouldn't have been able to wear this cute leather skirt. But I had been too nervous this morning to think about grabbing my gloves or checking the weather. However, this time I was less nervous than the day before yesterday. I knew what to expect, at least in the morning. I would sit next to Eric in my first class and the other two classes I would sit next to Jessica. I would tell her to shut up this time because I needed to focus on the lesson. I would have lunch with her and Angela. If Alice wanted me to sit with her, she could come over and ask. 

I got out of the car as soon as I could and thanked Edward for the ride before running to get inside. When I reached the door, I was still wet, and the cold rain was soaking through my tights. It made them feel uncomfortable and cling to my skin. More people entered the building as I started to walk towards the classroom. They were wetter than me but didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Maybe if you grew up here, the rain didn’t bother you as much. But I couldn’t imagine ever being comfortable in wet clothes. 

Just as I was about to enter the classroom, someone grabbed my arm from behind me. I turned around, surprised to find Edward standing there. He let go of my arm as soon as I turned around. 

“We both have biology after lunch. If you want, we can walk to class together.” I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded. I didn’t really know Edward. Had Bella known him before? 

“Sure,” I answered, he gave me a small nod before walking off in, what I presumed, was the direction of his class.

“In or out, miss Swan. Make up your mind quickly. Class is about to start.” Mr Mason said as he walked in the classroom, his arms full of books. 

“Sorry sir,” I muttered and quickly walked in. 

Eric looked surprised when he saw me, but I ignored him. As Mr Mason said; the class was about to start. Better to pay attention. Of course, I already knew this stuff, but he didn’t know that.

Halfway through the class I lost my concentration and started to draw in my notebook. At first, I didn’t really know what I was drawing. Just some female figure, long straight hair, black eyes. When I was drawing the second figure, I knew what I was doing. Those curls could only belong to Tanya. Annoyed, and bit embarrassed, I shut my notebook and made a mental note to rip the page out later. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. How long had I known the two? A day, maybe two. And now I was daydreaming about them. It was ridiculous. 

The bell made me jump and I hurried out of the classroom before anyone could strike up a conversation with me. Jessica was already in her seat when I entered the classroom. She stared even more then Eric had done.

“Yes, I changed my hair. I like and that is all that matters. I would like to pay attention to the teacher now.” She seemed annoyed at me cutting her off before she could say something. But I had dealt with people like Jessica before, in my old high school. They would walk right over you if you let them. I wondered if this Bella had known that when she befriended this girl. Probably not.

“So where were you yesterday? To ashamed after what happened at lunch?” Jessica said as we walked towards our next class.

“No, I just needed to go shopping and my friend decided that we should do that yesterday. We had a lovely time.” I adjusted the strap of my backpack. It was pushing the sweater off my shoulder. The hallways were crowded and loud.

“What friend,” Jessica asked, her tone pissed me off. I could barely hear her as we walked towards our trig class. Some boys were tossing around a football and one teacher was shouting at them.

“Just a friend. She doesn’t go here. You probably don’t know her.” I was glad when we finally reached the classroom.

“Who?” Jessica asked. “The same friend who picked you up the day before yesterday. When you ran out of the cafeteria. Mike saw you. He said you looked like a drowned cat.” Now she was just trying to be mean.

“Well, I shall have to have a little chat with Mike then. He sits with us at lunch right.” I saw her eyes widen for a sec. “What? If he is saying such mean things about me, I should tell him that that isn’t nice. Unless, of course, those aren’t the exact words he used. He seems way to nice to say such things.”

For the rest of the class, Jessica was quiet and even the whole way to the cafeteria she didn’t say a word. I sat down with her at the lunch table after grabbing a cup of coffee and a salad.

“I didn’t know you drank coffee,” Angela said as she sat down next to me. I smiled, “yes. I’m quite the addict I’m afraid. Can’t go a day without it.” She laughed at that. She also told me about what I had missed in biology, my next class. I liked her. She was the helpful quiet type of person. Now she was telling me about her little brother who had thrown soda over her English homework when all the sudden she stopped talking and stared behind me. I turned around to see what she was looking at and saw Edward walking towards our table. 

“I promised him we would together to biology. You can walk with us if you want.” I didn’t know if that was going to be awkward, but Angela shook her head. “I.. ehm I have to ask Jessica something. You go ahead.”

I stood up and grabbed my bag. We walked together in silence for a couple of minutes. I could feel that he wanted to say something but maybe didn’t know where to start.

“About the other day,” he started when we were almost at our classroom. “When I said ‘no’. It had nothing to do with you sitting at our table.” I raised an eyebrow. Nothing to with me. I had been standing at their lunch table, waiting for permission to sit down and he had said ‘no’. It had everything to do with me.

“No, I mean it. I was trying to prevent my sister from saying something rude. It had nothing to with you. Rosalie tends to scare people away. She doesn’t like strangers.”

“Okay.” We entered the classroom and luckily, we were the first to be there.

“I just… I really like hanging out with Alice. She’s been great. But a friend is not someone you hide. We hang out at my place and now we ride to school together but after that, it’s like she doesn’t want people to know we’re friends. That’s the feeling I’m getting, which may be wrong but it's still the feeling I'm getting.” That awful feeling that I had felt when I had been standing at their lunch table, came back.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I can assure you that she really wants to be your friend.” More people were starting to get in now and I saw Angela and Mike walk in together. They both looked at me and Edward before taking their seats. I could see the questions in their eyes. 

“Good. Then she won’t mind if I invite her over for dinner tonight?” Edward laughed. “I think she would love that. She wants to hear all about your adventure yesterday. And I think she wants to see what you bought.” He whispered. The class had started now, and Mr Banner was explaining what we were going to do today. I wasn’t really paying attention. My mind had wandered off to all the things I bought yesterday, or more specifically the things I hadn't bought but gotten. 

* * *

Edward dropped Alice and me off at my place after school. Alice had been visibly relieved that I was speaking to her again. She had been waiting for me outside the gym building and walked with me to the car, talking about her art class. 

First thing I did when I got in was put on the coffee machine and waited for it to be ready. 

“Do you have any homework that needs to be done?” I asked Alice as she sat down at one of the kitchen chairs. “No. You?” I shook my head. I was glad that I didn’t have any homework because I doubt that I would’ve felt like making it right now. I was kind of tired, but not as tired as I had been the first day of school.

“Good,” Alice stood as I poured my coffee. “Let’s go to your room,” she grabbed my hand and dragged me upstairs. I was glad that Edward had warned me beforehand.

“Alice what are you doing?”

“I want to see what you got. Kate was all excited yesterday when she got back and was pissed at Tanya for making her come back early. But she wouldn’t tell me what you got.”

I still hadn’t put everything away. Well… to be honest, I hadn’t put anything away. I had just grabbed the pile of clothes and dumped it on the chair so I could at least get to bed yesterday. I had been planning on putting it away today. 

“I have a question,” Alice asked as she picked up a shirt from the pile. I waited for her to continue, but she started folding the shirt and put it on the bed. 

“What question Alice.”

“Kate or Tanya,” she asks. I didn’t understand the question, but she didn’t elaborate. “Kate or Tanya what?” Once again it took her some time before she started talking as she continued to look at the items on the chair, fold them and then put them on my bed. 

“If you would have to choose, who would you pick?”

“Choose for what? Alice, you are not making any sense right now.” By now she had reached the lingerie. I had hidden it under all the other items in case Charlie would come into my room for some reason. 

“Never mind.” Alice seemed to zone out for a second and I decided that this would be a good time to go and order dinner. I ordered extra, so Charlie would have something to eat when he came home. He hadn’t said when he would be home. I decided that if he wasn’t home by seven, that I would call him. Just to check if he was alright. He had written down the number of the station and stuck it on the fridge in case I ever needed something. I had felt this weird kind of feeling when he had done that. Living with my mum had kind of taught me that if something was wrong, I better figure out how to fix it myself because there was no one else to call. 

The food arrived 30 minutes later and I at my foe-yong-hai while Alice only ate some white rice, claiming to not be hungry. Maybe she didn't like Chinese food, I should've asked before I ordered. But she had done that weird zoning-out thing and I knew I wouldn't have gotten an answer from her like that. After I had come back from ordering food, Alice had been back to her usual happy self and I decided to ignore the weird question. Why would I have to choose between Tanya and Kate? Couldn’t I just hang out with both of them? Alice didn’t approve of all the clothes I bought but she was okay with most of them. I had laughed when she had scowled at a green oversized jumper that I had only bought because it felt so nice and warm. After dinner, Alice helped me clean up and put the leftovers away for Charlie. He had texted me and said that he was going to be home late and that I shouldn’t wait up. 

Alice offered to stay, but I told her I would be fine. To be honest, I wanted some alone time to think. 

After a nice long shower and a cup of hot cocoa, I decided to go to bed. I wanted to text Charlie goodnight, but couldn’t find my phone. I walked back downstairs and grabbed the phone from the kitchen and typed in my number. 

“Come on” I muttered as I waited to hear my ringtone, hoping very hard that I hadn’t put my phone on silence. 

Somewhere I could hear London’s Burning starting to play. I was pretty sure that I came from upstairs. Okay, so it was in my room. I turned on the light and looked around. Was the sound coming from my closet? I dug around the pile of clothes that Alice had folded for me and found my phone. 

‘1 missed call’ from an unknown number. I also had a text from that same number. 

> _‘Movie-night at the Cullens, Friday 8:00 p.m. Bring popcorn! Everyone will be gone, just the two of us. X. Kate’_

I was sure that I had a stupid grin on my face with I texted back, and I was happy that there was no-one around that could see it.

> ‘_Looking forward to it. Pick me up? X. Bella.’ _

I quickly send the text beforeI could think too long about that little X. at the end of the text.

* * *

That night I had the strangest dream. I was standing in one of the hallways at Forks high school. At one end of the hall stood Tanya. She was wearing a navy-blue trench coat that fell to just above her knee. In one hand she had a cup of coffee. The other hand she held out toward me but just as I started to walk towards her, a familiar voice called my name. I turned around to see Kate standing at the other end of the hallway with a cheeky smile on her face. She also raised her hand and held it out towards me.

“Come here,” she said and without think, I was moving in her direction.

“Bella, no.” Tanya this time. I turned around to look at her and instead of walking toward her, I held out my hand. She dropped the cup of coffee and walked towards me at a slow pace. When she reached me, she slid her hands around my waist. Pulling my back against her front. I let my head fall back and then looked at Kate who was still standing at the other end of the hall. I also held out my hand towards her, but she didn’t move as Tanya had done.

“Kate,” I said, my voice no more than a whisper. “Please, I don’t want to choose.” I closed my eyes, fighting against the tears that welled up. “Please” I whispered again.

Then I could feel her. Her arm slid above Tanya’s and I could feel her face in my neck. I was almost too scared to open my eyes, scared that she wouldn’t be there. I placed one hand over Tanya’s and the other I put on Kate’s back.

“Thank you” I whispered as she started sucking my neck, I could feel Tanya kiss the top of my head as she whispered, “open your eyes darling”.

I wish I hadn’t done it, I wished I had held them close so the moment would last forever. Because when I opened them and was alone in my bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	9. We all have a hunger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You make a fool of death with your beauty, and for a moment... I forget to worry. - Florence and the machine

The rest of the week was uneventful and even thou I was looking forward to Friday, I was also nervous. _What should I wear, which movie were we going to watch, how far apart should we sit on the couch?_ What if Rosalie all the sudden came home and would give me that death-glare. And the most important one; what about Tanya? I know Kate had said that it would be just the two of us, but did I want it to be just the two of us? I also kind of wanted Tanya there and ever since dream… I kind of wanted to know what it would be like, to be held by both of them. Kissed and cared for by both of them. So much love you could drown in it. That dream had left a feeling of emptiness behind. I knew that it was just a dream and that there was no way in hell that dream could ever become a reality. I mean, I was me and they were… way out of my league and living in Alaska.

Friday morning, I woke up with a text from Alice.

> _Wear something comfy, after school, we’ll be going to my house. No time to change. _

So now I was trying and failing, to fulfil the impossible task of picking something comfy, yet school appropriate. Five minutes before Alice came to pick me up, I settled on an oversized Harvard sweater with a pair of black leggings. Still half asleep I walked down the stairs, dropping my backpack on one of the chairs and my shoes next to it. Charlie had once again made coffee, unfortunately having taken so long to decide what to wear, the coffee had gone cold. I filled a mug and put in the microwave. I didn’t like heated up coffee, but I was short on time. I put some jam on a slice of bread and tried to pour the coffee from my mug into the to-go cup. Just as I finished putting the lid on the cup, the doorbell rang.

“Good morning Edward,” I said as I left the door open so he could come in. I went back to the kitchen and put on my shoes.

“You’re running late,” Edward said as he followed me into the kitchen. “I know. You have an evil sister. Like serious, worst of the worst. Mornings are for waking up peacefully not stressing out about what to wear.” I grabbed my coffee cup and walked out of the house.

“Are you okay with me drinking coffee in your car or would you like me to recreate that scene from Gilmore Girls were Lorelai leans out of the car window to drink her coffee.”

Edward laughed and opened the passenger side door for me. “You can drink in the car. Just don’t spill.”

“Drive slowly, just to be sure.” He didn’t answer and just shut the door. I could hear Alice snicker in the backseat. “Good morning to you too Alice. You are evil.”

“I’ve been told that.”

Alice walked with me to class and I thought that this was the perfect moment to ask why I wouldn’t have time to go home and change, maybe take a quick shower since the movie night wasn’t supposed to start until 8 p.m. 

“Well, I need your help packing for the camping trip we’re going on.”

“We’re going on a camping trip?” I saw Mr Mason standing in the door opening of the classroom and could almost hear the impatience tapping of his foot.

Alice laughed, “No. My family and me. We’re leaving this afternoon and won’t be back until Sunday. I’m sure I told you. That's why Kate texted you because we would be gone.” Her wide eyes were a bit too innocent for me to believe her. Sudden camping trip, no time to change, comfy clothes. Something more was going on here but I was too tired to figure out what.

“Miss Swan,” Mr Mason said as he started to close the door.

“We’re not done talking,” I said to Alice as I ran inside.

* * *

Alice somehow managed to dodge me for the entire morning but when I saw her go into the girl’s bathroom, I decided that that would be the only change I might have to corner her. She was touching up her lipstick. 

“Spill”

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” she said as she dropped the lipstick back into her purse and turned to look at me. 

“Sure you don’t.”

“It just worked out that way,” I nodded but didn’t believe a word. “So, you’ll have the whole house to yourself. Enjoy.”

“It’s just a movie night Alice.”

As the school day came to an end, I started to daydream more and more. My thoughts kept drifting off toward tonight and what Alice had said. Daydreaming during biology was alright, I just had to pretend to listen, however during P.E. I ended up getting a basketball throw in my face, resulting in me falling on my butt.

“What happened to your face,” Edward asked as we walked towards his car. Alice and Jasper would be waiting there as usual. I hadn’t seen Rosalie or Emmett anywhere today but when I asked Alice, she had said something about a car show and weekend away. It sounded rather vague.

“I tried to catch the ball without hands.” He laughed. “Seriously, they should make a sport out of it. We can call it face-ball, no hands allowed.”

“So, who threw the ball?”

“Tall dude, brown hair”

“That narrows it down” he opened the car door for me, and I got in. “Where are Alice and Jasper? They are usually here before us.”

“Don’t know. Maybe the teacher is keeping them longer.” Edward answered as he started the car. A soft jazz tune filled the car. “Do you have any plans this weekend?” he asked after a minute.

“Not really, maybe do some reading. Don’t know what book I should start on next. I just finished _the picture of Dorian Gray_, I didn’t like it. Maybe I could continue _Anna Karenina_.”

“Yes, you could do that.”

“Or?”

“What?”

“It sounds like there is an or” I said and turned to look at him. Where were Alice and Jasper?

“No or. Just saying you could do that.”

At that moment Alice and Jasper arrived and they quickly got into the car. “Sorry, homework.”

* * *

“Alice, you are going on a camping trip not visiting a fancy hotel, I don’t see how you could possibly need a babydoll, lace bodysuit and bustier. Your outside, it will be cold and probably rain. If I were you, I would pack an extra sweater. Because that’s what you’ll be wearing.”

Alice sighed and threw the items from her suitcase onto her bed. This was the first time I went to spend time at her place, and it was gigantic. The building was beautiful and old, and everything inside was so open and white. I hadn’t had much time to look around because Alice had pulled me up the stairs and into her bedroom. Which is where I’ve been for the last hour. I had briefly met Esmé when she had come upstairs to tell Alice they would be leaving around 5. Esmé was probably one of the most motherly types of mothers there was. Her caramel curls framed her pale face perfectly and she looked like she had stepped right out of a movie.

“Have you ever gone camping,” she asked as she pulled out a sweater that looked way too expensive to go camping in. 

“No, I don’t like the idea of spending the night outside in the cold with bugs and rain. I’d rather don’t go on a holiday then go on a camping holiday.”

Alice was about to say something when there was a knock on the bedroom door. “Alice, can I come in.”

“Sure Tanya, I thought you were gone for the rest of the day.”

“So thought I.”

“Well, you can keep Bella company. I’m just going to drop this downstairs with the rest of our bags. Be right back.” She zipped up her bag and walked out of the room.

“How is school going? Haven’t seen you since our coffee date.”

“School is school. Busy and boring as always. All thou it’s getting better. I’m getting used to the routine.” _Coffee date, I liked that word._

“Good. So how did Alice trap you into watching her pack her bag.” I laughed, “I honestly don’t know. I think she mentioned something about needing a second opinion and that there would be coffee. However, so far I haven’t had any.”

“I can help you with that,” she took my hand and led me out of the room and down the stairs. I didn’t see Alice or her bag anywhere nor did I see Alice. She took me into the kitchen and told me to sit down on one of the barstools.

“If I remember correctly one soy vanilla latte”

“or a normal vanilla latte. Soy isn’t a must; I just like to switch sometimes.”

“Good to know. So, have you decided which movie you are going to watch tonight?” she turned on the Nespresso-machine and filled a mug with some vanilla syrup.

“I get to pick the movie?”

“I don’t know what you and Kate agreed on.” She sounded…. Less happy then a minute ago. “Where were you supposed to be today,” I asked, trying to distract her.

“I was meeting with our other sister. She and her boyfriend are currently travelling around, and we were supposed to meet in Seattle today. However, when I was about halfway, she called and told me that she couldn’t be there at the agreed time and it was going to take a day or two extra to get there.”

“Oh, well. Since you’re here maybe… you might want to… watch the movie with us? I mean if Kate is okay with it. I don’t know. But I wouldn’t mind.” Tanya turned around and handed me the mug. “I think I would like that yes. I’m sure Kate is okay with it.”

* * *

The Cullens left a little after five o’clock. Alice hugged me and wished me lots of fun. I told her that I hoped it wouldn’t rain or else she could spend the entire weekend in her tent.

“I think Kate said she would be back around six, so you should go ahead and order some food.”

“Have fun dear,” Esmé said and hugged me. She and Alice walked to the car where Edward was waiting. They would pick Carlisle up from the hospital. 

“What would you like to eat,” Tanya asked as she closed the door. 

We went to the closest McDonalds and ordered a bunch of fries and coke. Tanya had wanted to go inside, but I told her to go through the drive-through and that we would eat it at home.

“Have you given any thoughts about which movie you want to watch?” she asked as we drove back. I had just popped a French fry into my mouth and chewed quickly.

“I don’t know which movies you have but maybe something like Dead Poets Society or maybe Cracks?”

“I think we might have those.” As Tanya parked in the garage another car drove onto the driveway.

“That must be Kate, she is early.”

“Bella,” Kate said as she saw me get out of the car. “You’re early.”

“So are you, or so I heard. Alice told me to come over after school and Tanya and I just got dinner. We thought you wouldn’t be home until six. Otherwise, we would’ve brought something for you too.” I hugged her, carefully so that the greasy paper bag didn’t touch her leather jacket.

“That is alright. I already ate. Now we can start the movie night early. Tanya, are you staying?” The tone of Kate's voice didn't sound as friendly as it had done a minute ago. Tanya had locked the car and was walking out of the garage.

“Yes, Bella invited me to stay and watch a movie with you guys,” Tanya answered, crossing her arms in front of her. _How had the situation turned so hostile so quickly? _

“Are you guy alright? We can watch a movie all together right?” I asked suddenly unsure if I should’ve invited Tanya. But I wanted her there and the thought of her sitting alone while Kate and I watched a movie made me feel sad.

“Of course we can. I’m sorry if we made you feel uncomfortable.”

We ended up watching Cracks. The Cullens had the most comfortable couch ever. I sat in the middle with Tanya on my right and Kate on my left. Halfway through the movie, when I had just finished my fries, Kate pulled me to her side, so our shoulders touched, and I leaned my head on her shoulder. But this way Tanya sat too far away for my liking and I held out my hand and she took it and moved closer. I wasn’t really paying attention to the movie anymore. Kate was stroking through my hair and Tanya was playing with my fingers. 

It wasn’t even late but because of the gentle stroking of my hair, I felt myself slowly starting to fall asleep. I tried to fight against my closing eyelids, but Tanya said it was okay, and that I should go to sleep. They would be there when I woke up.

* * *

I don’t know for how long I slept but when I woke up it was dark outside. I was laying with my head in Kate’s lap and my legs lay in Tanya’s lap. Kate was still stroking my hair.

“What time is it” I whispered. Tanya smiled at me before answering. “2 a.m.”

“Charlie” I sat up too quickly and felt dizzy for a second.

“I already called him. He said it was good if you wanted to sleep over and to have you home before Sunday afternoon.”

“Sunday?” My sleepy brain had trouble catching up. “That means we have the whole Saturday to be together,” Kate whispered in my ear. Her cold hand touched my side where my shirt had slipped up. “Lay back down, we can put on another movie.”

“Why don’t you pick one this time Kate, I’ll take Bella.” Still half asleep I felt myself being pulled to the other side of the couch. I laid down in Tanya’s lap and felt my eyes starting to close again. I hoped that Kate picked a movie she liked because it looked like I wouldn’t be watching it.

“Can I kiss you?” I heard Tanya’s soft voice ask next to my ear. I didn’t know if I was dreaming already, I felt too awake to be dreaming already but too sleepy to think clearly.

“Yes.” _I didn’t care if it was a dream or not._

I felt her lips on mine, soft and gentle. I reached up, placing my hand on her neck, keeping her close.

“That’s not fair, I want a kiss also,” I heard Kate say. I smiled, “I want the both of you,” I muttered.

“Good,” Kate’s voice sounded like it came from right next to me. I turned my head to check when I felt another pair of lips being pressed against mine. Kate’s kiss was more playful.

“My turn again,” Tanya said as she used a finger to turn my cheek so she could capture my lips. “So, you want both of us?” I heard Kate whisper in my ear while I was busy kissing Tanya. I felt a finger draw patterns on my stomach. It touched the waistband of my legging a couple of times, but they always trailed back up again. “Tanya, she needs to breathe,” Kate laughed. “No, I don’t,” I said as I drew in a big gulp of air. I would happily give up air for this.

Kate took over the kiss and this time I heard Tanya whisper in my ear. “Do you think you can handle both of us?” I could feel Kate’s lips turn into a smile.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I remembered my dream. A dream that wasn’t exactly G-rated. I remembered dreaming about Kate’s wandering fingers and Tanya’s gentle kisses in other places than my mouth.

* * *

I was still laying in Tanya’s lap when I woke up the next morning.

“Good morning,” she said smiling down at me. “Morning,” I turned towards her and closed my eyes again. I wanted to go back to that dream.

“Did you have nice dreams?” she whispered in my eyes. My eyes flew wide open. “What.”

“You make the cutest little noises when you dream.” I could feel my face heating up. _Oh gosh_.

“Don’t be embarrassed. Maybe we can make some of those dreams come true.” I forced myself to look up at her. I needed to see if she was serious. Her golden eyes stared back at me and she slowly leant forwards to place a kiss on my lips but just before she could do it, Kate walked in.

“So, this is why you sent me to make her breakfast. Not fair Tanya.” 

“She just woke up; we didn’t do anything… yet.” I sat up and looked at the breakfast tray Kate was holding. Scrambled eggs on toast with orange juice and coffee. I hadn’t eaten that well for breakfast in a long time. I was usually in such a hurry.

“Thank you, Kate.” I smiled and gave her a quick kiss when she handed me the tray.

I ate my breakfast in silence while Kate and Tanya pretended to watch tv. After I took my last sip of orange juice, they both looked up. The golden eyes slowly seemed to turn darker, even thou I knew that was impossible.

“Did you already have breakfast?” I asked. “Yes, while you were asleep. I hope you don’t mind. We didn’t want to wake you” Tanya answered as she strokes a lock of hair out of my face.

“That’s okay. So, did I hear it right last night, that I’m allowed to stay here till Sunday?”

“Yes,” Kate said as she crawled closer until she was almost pressed against me. “So tell us about your dream.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	10. I heard something I shouldn’t have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As things become more serious between Bella, Kate and Tanya, some choices have to be made. And Bella is being kept in dark and she doesn't like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone please kick my procrastinating ass. I had three days off and still managed to not write until Saturday evening and today. So I'm sorry if there are any mistakes in this chapter. I'll try to do better next week!

_“So, tell us about your dream.”_

* * *

When I came home Sunday morning, I was confused for several reasons. Firstly, I was confused because of my feelings for both Tanya and Kate. Things were moving fast and even though I enjoyed it, it was weird. I never really had any kind of relationship before. Back in college, I had fooled around a bit, but I was the kind of girl that snuck out of the room before the other person could wake up. Wanting to avoid the awkward morning after scene. And I had never trusted anybody enough to form a real healthy relationship. I had seen my mother's heartbreak more than once and did not want to go through that myself. But now with Tanya and Kate, I felt like it would be worth the risk of a broken heart. But was that what was going on? Was it a relationship or was it just for fun? I knew that we were going to have to talk about that sooner rather than later. Because I was falling for them pretty hard. 

Secondly, I was confused because of the conversation I had overheard this morning.

Saturday had been the most wonderful day I’ve had in ages. I hadn’t told Tanya and Kate about my dream because I had been too embarrassed but promised to tell them later. A lot later, after I figured out what this was. We had spent most of the Saturday laying on the couch, kissing, touching, sort of watching one movie after another. At one point, Kate had removed my sweatshirt and as I lay in Tanya’s lap, Kate traced the edges of my lace bralette. I had blushed when she had whispered in my ear something about taking a bath together. Tanya, however, had muttered something I didn’t hear but Kate did. She had looked angry and after that, she left for a little while. When I asked Tanya about it, she said it was nothing and went back to stroking my hair. I wondered for a second if this is what a cat’s life would feel like.

Kate returned an hour later with coffee and lunch.

“My turn,” she said as she pulled me out of Tanya’s lap.

“Can’t I choose?” I asked as I sat down in between Kate’s legs. She curled her arm around my waist and pulled me closer. “Of course, you can,” Kate whispered in my ear. Her breath tickled and I tried to move away but her arms wouldn’t give. Just when Tanya was about to say something, the phone rang.

“Guess I’ll get it,” she said as she looked at us. I had just taken a bit out of my sandwich and Kate was kissing my neck.

“Shouldn’t we do something? Or are we just going to hang out on this couch the entire day?” I asked and took another bite. “That offer for a bath still stands,” Kate said, and I almost choked on my sandwich. Tanya shot us a disapproving look when she heard me coughing.

“Yes. hold on for a second,” she said and left the room.

“What is that about?” But Kate didn’t answer. Saturday night passed much the same as Friday night had. I fell asleep between Kate and Tanya and woke up around ten the next morning. Except, this time there was a tension in the air. I could feel it right away when I woke up. When Tanya noticed that I was awake, she offered to make me breakfast, but I told her that I wanted to shower first. Just as I had turned on the shower, I realised that there were no towels in the bathroom. At least, none that I could see. I walked back out, leaving the shower running. I would be back in a minute.

As I walked downstairs, I could hear Kate’s voice.

“We could just tell her. That would solve the problem.”

“Don’t be an idiot Katrina. You know what they would do if they found out about her. They wouldn’t hesitate to kill. Both us and her. Do you want that for her? Do you want her to die?”

“She is going to die anyway…”

“That is not decided yet,” Tanya hissed. I was scared to move or even breath. _Was I going to die? Were they talking about me? _

“Alice saw…”

“I know what Alice saw, but her visions aren’t set in stone. Bella doesn’t have become one of us.”

“So, what do you want to do Tanya? Play with her a little and then leave. I won’t be that cruel. I won’t leave. She is ours and if you decide to walk away that is your choice, but don’t make that decision for me.” I heard something break and a growl. I could feel my lungs screaming for air but was too afraid to give myself away. They were talking about me, and I was going to die. Alice had _seen _it. What did that mean?

“I won’t walk away. She is ours, not yours but you know the risks. Are you willing to put her through that? Are you willing to risk her life?”

“That is why she needs to know, so she can make that decision for herself. Tanya, you have to see that that is the best….”

“Quiet.” I could hear Tanya’s heels click on the stone floor. I walked further down the stairs, hoping that she wouldn’t notice how long I had been listening.

“Tanya, do you know where the towels are?” I asked as I met her in the hallway.

“Of course, dear,” she said as if nothing had happened. I could feel my heart beating and knew that my breathing was a little off. _Stop gasping for air. _

I followed her up the stairs and into the bathroom, she opened one of the drawers and pulled out a set of towels and handed them to me.

“Will you be alright,” she asked stepping a little closer so I could breathe in the fresh scent that was uniquely Tanya. It wasn’t a perfume; it was just her. Subconsciously I leant closer and she placed a finger under my chin and my lips met hers. She pushed against me until my back hit the wall. My hand moved from her shoulder till it was cupping her breast. The only thing separating them was the thin blouse she wore. Her hands moved from my waist, lower, lower. Pushing my leggings and underwear slowly down. Just when I thought she would remove them, she whispered; “I’ll leave so you can shower.” And with that, she walked out.

Breakfast was quiet and Kate offered to drive me home. When we were in the car, after I had said goodbye to Tanya and promised to come and visit again soon, she spoke.

“This morning, when you came down for your towels…. What did you hear?” She didn’t look at me when she spoke.

“Not much,” I tried. I knew I wouldn’t get away with an answer like that.

“Bella…” Kate sounded tired and I looked up at her. “I heard something about someone making a choice. Is that someone me?” Kate took a deep breath and didn’t speak for a while. Just when I thought she wasn’t going to answer she said, “Yes, that was about you. Because it wouldn’t be fair if Tanya and I made this choice. But she doesn’t see it that way.”

“I know that whatever we have is complicated. I mean, I don’t even know what this is but it’s good, right? That is what matters right now. That we are all okay and comfortable with what is happening. It’s just the three of us. We’ll figure the rest out later.” As I finished talking, we drove into Charlie’s street and Kate parked the car.

“We’ll figure the rest out later,” she said. She then smiled and leant towards me to kiss me. Just before she kissed me, she looked behind me. “Charlie is watching,” she whispered, but I didn’t care. The kiss wasn’t as playful as it had been before. I could feel the tension in it. Whatever was wrong we were going to have to talk about it sooner rather than later.

* * *

“You must be a slow reader,” Jacob said as he sat down next to me. “You’ve been staring at the same page for almost half an hour. He smiled at me while he said this, and I could see the dimples in his cheeks. I had met Jacob a little over half an hour ago, but I could already tell that he was a nice person. Possibly even a friend. Charlie and Billy were inside while I had asked to see the beach. Jacob had pointed it out for me and offered to walk with me, but I politely declined. I needed time to think. “I’ll be here, working on my car if you need me,” he had said as I had walked away in the direction of the beach.

“I’m thinking.”

“Thinking about…?” he prompted.

“I’ve met this girl…” I started, not really sure what I wanted to say. “Well… two girls actually. And I like them both, and they both like me” I sighed, “Well that’s kind of the problem. I don’t know what this whole thing is or could be and…. I just don’t know. And I don’t like not knowing. I like things to be clear.”

“Well…” Jacob started after a while, “things are rarely clear when it comes to love. Not that I have much experience in the whole love subject. Do they know about each other or are you dating them separately?”

“Oh, they know, we’ve been together the whole weekend.” Jacob stared at me as I said this, and I suddenly realised how it sounded. “Not like that. Jake get your mind out of the gutter. I’ve only known them for a little while, I don’t move that fast.”

“If you say so,” he stood up and offered me his hand. “Coming? Dad is making dinner. I came to get you.”

As we got up and walked towards the house, Jacob asked me how the truck was.

“Don’t know. Dad isn’t letting me drive it.” Jacob frowned. “I don’t know. He has been very protective since the accident. My friends pick me up before school and drop me off afterwards. It’s not like there is much to do in Forks anyway.”

“That sucks,” Jacob said as we entered the house.

“What sucks?” Billy asked looking up from the TV. I poked Jacob in the ribs with my elbow, hoping he would see it as a sign to keep his mouth shut. Sure, it sucked but I could see the worried glance in Charlie's eyes sometimes when he looked at me. He had almost lost his daughter. And in a certain sense, he had lost his daughter. Because I wasn’t really _his _daughter, however easy it was to forget that sometimes. 

“Bella, coffee is in the kitchen. It should be ready by now.” Billy said, bring me back. “Thanks, Billy.” Charlie must have told him about my coffee addiction. 

Dinner was nice and we stayed afterwards to watch the game. Well, Billy, Jacob and Charlie watch the game. I tried to read but the noise from the tv was very distracting and my mind wandered off, back to Friday night.

* * *

“Bella, sweety, we’ve got to go.”

“She is free to stay if you don’t mind. Jacob can drop her off when she wakes up.”

“I am awake,” I muttered; my eyes still closed. “Yeah, I can see that,” I heard Jacob laugh. I opened my eyes and saw that the tv was turned off and Charlie already had his coat on. “I’m coming,” I didn’t want to stay at some stranger’s house. well, they weren’t really strangers but still.

Charlie didn’t say much on the way home. He wished me a good night as I walked up the stairs and I think I muttered something like good night back to him. I was still half asleep. I didn’t know how I could be so tired; I had done nothing but hang on the couch and watch tv all weekend. As I walked into my room, I pulled my shirt over my head and kicked the door close with my foot.

“Hello, Bella.” I had to stop myself from screaming out as I jerked the shirt quickly off my head so I could see again. Alice was sitting on my bed. 

“Alice! You scared me. What are you doing here? How did you even get in?” I had to work to keep my voice down so Charlie wouldn’t come to check on me.

“I’m sorry but I had to see you. And no, it couldn’t wait.” She said as I opened my mouth to tell her she could’ve told me tomorrow.

“I just want to remind you that Tanya and Kate, they are not from around here.”

“I know Alice, they are from Alaska. They told me.”

“Yes, I know but…” whatever she was trying to say, she wasn’t doing so great. “Alice, please I’m tired. I want to go to bed.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” I walked over to her and closed my arms around her in a hug. “I know and thank you. You are a great friend, but we are just trying to figure things out as we go. I’m sure it will be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” she said stepping away from the hug. “Just be careful Bella.” And with that, she walked towards the window.

“Alice, what are you doing! Are you crazy?” She didn’t listen and climbed onto the windowsill and then jumped. I ran towards the window, praying that I wouldn’t see her bleeding body laying on the pavement. But as I looked down, I didn’t see anything. “Alice?” I whispered.

“Right here you silly,” I heard her voice and looked up. She was standing on one of the branches from the tree next to my window.

“We have a door you can use; you know!”

She just laughed, “Make sure to lock your window the next time.” _Well, that answered my question of how she got into my room. _

* * *

The next morning when the Cullens came to pick me up, Alice acted as if nothing had happened. But slowly I was starting to get a bad feeling about all of this. Something was going to happen. I didn’t know what, but it wasn’t anything good. Why had Alice left the need to warn me? Did she know something? 

I couldn’t focus at school and by the time lunch came around, I was ready for the day to end. I sat down at one of the empty tables, hoping everybody would leave me alone. Unfortunately, that hope was in vain.

“You look like crap.” Emmett sat down in the chair across from me.

“Emmett? Shouldn’t you be over there with your girlfriend.”

“Yes, I should but I’m not. How do you feel about ditching the rest of your classes today?” he asked as I took a sip from my coffee.

“I think Charlie would be very disappointed in me if the school called again.” I was pretty sure that if the school called once again, he would be pretty mad at me this time. 

“Don’t worry about that.” He stood up and pulled me out of my chair.

“Emmett, I’m serious. I can’t ditch.” I said as we walked out of school and into the parking lot.

“Yes, you can, because I have this. Go give it to Mrs Cope.” He presses a piece of paper into my hand and when I looked at it, I saw it was a doctor’s note.

“I have a doctor’s appointment with your father this afternoon?” I asked, raising my eyebrow while I looked at him. “Well, it is believable. He is your doctor.”

Well, I wasn’t going to say no to a free afternoon. “Thanks, Emmett but if we’re getting caught, I’m totally blaming you. Just so we’re clear.” I heard him laugh as I walked into the office.

“Mrs Cope?” I said and the redhaired woman behind the desk looked up.

“Hello, Bella. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I just seem to have forgotten to give you this. I hope it isn’t too late. I didn’t think about it until a moment ago.” I handed her the note and looked her right in eyes.

She looked at the note for a moment and then looked back up at me. “It’s alright. Things like that can happen. It’s nothing serious I hope.”

“No, just a check-up.”

“And did she believe you,” Emmett asked as I walked outside.

“Of course, with a real doctor’s note, how could she not?” He opened up the car door from his jeep for me and I got in. “So, where are we going?” I asked as he started the car.

“Just somewhere where no one can hear us.”

Somewhere where no one could hear us ended up being my house. Emmett made himself at home on the couch while I went to the kitchen and made some coffee. “Do you want anything?” I yelled from the kitchen.

“No thanks.” After pouring some coffee and grabbing a pack of waffles, since I had missed lunch, I walked into the living room.

“What did you want to talk about?” I sat down next to him and kicked off my boots so I could put my feet on the table.

“You,” he didn’t say anything else and I was tired of playing this game. So, I waited until he continued. “I know Alice came here last night.”

“Yeah, she scared the shit out of me. But if this is about Tanya and Kate again, then please leave. I’m figuring this out and you guys are not making this any easier. You never talk to me and now you want to bug in on my relationship.” Emmett looked uncomfortable but that didn’t stop me. “I know you mean well.” I kind of felt guilty about making him feel bad.

“It’s not what you think it is. I’m here because it’s kind of causing troubles at the house. Alice, Kate and Tanya are arguing constantly since you left Sunday.”

“And that my fault?”

“No, I didn’t say that. I’m here to ask you to figure it out quickly.” Even though I didn’t really know Emmett, this didn’t seem like him.

“I don’t know what to do. You guys are hiding something. And if you don’t want me to date your cousins then that’s fine but just tell me so I can yell at you to mind your own business. You and Alice and the whispering and cryptic messages. It’s driving me crazy. I love them and the rest is none of your business. So, I ask you kindly to please tell your family and everybody else that this is my thing and I’ll deal with it. If you want to say something about it from now on, be clear. No more secret meanings because I’m done.” I wanted to say more but the doorbell rang. And as I opened the door, I saw Tanya standing there.

“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.


	11. There is nothing to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual and there are some time-jumps.  
While writing this chapter I was listening to Maddi Jane - Impossible (Shontelle).  
_  
I remember years ago  
Someone told me I should take  
Caution when it comes to love, I did  
And you were strong and I was not  
My illusion, my mistake  
I was careless, I forgot, I did  
And now when all is done  
There is nothing to say _

And as I opened the door, I saw Tanya standing there.

_“We need to talk.”_

* * *

What is going on?” I said as I stepped aside to let her in. The look she wore on her face, it gave me a bad feeling in my stomach. She had something to tell me I wasn’t going to like. Whatever had been going on since I had left on Sunday, I had a feeling I was finally going to find out what that was about.

“Tanya, don’t do this,” I heard a voice behind me. I hadn’t heard Emmett coming up behind me.

“Emmett, stay out of it. I already had this conversation with Alice and Kate and this is my decision.” Her words sounded so low that it almost sounded like a growl. It gave me a shiver.

“Just let her talk Emmett,” I still wasn’t looking at him. I couldn’t take my eyes of Tanya. Her blonde curls rested on her shoulders, her black trench coat was buttoned up and she was wearing a skirt that wasn’t visible because of her coat. Her long legs were bare and looked even longer because of the heels she was wearing. But the look on her face didn’t match her beauty. She looked sad but determent and slightly pissed off.

“No,” I could feel Emmett reach around me, at the same time Tanya took a step forward. I just wanted to get out of their way, but Emmett was closer to me than I thought.

“Emmett I’m warning you,” Tanya growled. I took another step back and bumped into something with my feet. I was falling before I realised what was happening. I tried to grab Emmett’s arm but missed. My head connected with something hard. _Charlie’s entryway table._ The pain shot through my head and I knew I would have a headache later. I could hear someone call out my name before I passed out.

* * *

“This wouldn’t have happened if you had just stayed out of it.” Tanya’s angry voice was the first thing I noticed as I came around. The second thing I noticed was that I was on the couch. I opened my eyes and Tanya was perched on the side of the couch, right next to me.

“What is going on?” I asked and tried to sit up. My head was pounding like crazy and I hoped that Charlie had some aspirin in the house. I would have to look for that later. I didn’t want him to find out that I had hit my head.

“Emmett was just leaving,” Tanya stated not taking her eyes off me. I looked past Tanya at Emmett, who was standing in the middle of the living room, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Sure,” he muttered before walking out. I wanted to go after him and ask him what this was all about but Tanya sitting next to me prevented me from getting up.

“You want to talk? Then talk. Because I’m getting tired of this.”

Tanya was quiet for a little while, stroking my hair as she had done this weekend. Almost lulling me back to sleep, but I was determent to get answers.

“We need to get back to Alaska.” I heard what she said but it didn’t sink in.

“Okay… and. So, what do….” _It didn’t make sense. She was leaving? No, she couldn’t leave. Not now, not after this weekend. I was just getting to know them. I had known that at some point or another they would move back to Alaska. But not now. _

“Bella, breath.” Her voice sounded far away. _Things are rarely clear when it comes to love, _that is what Jake had said, but had I been so blind that I didn’t see this coming. The conversation I had overheard crept back into my mind. _I won’t walk away, _she had said. But she was… she was leaving.

“What does this mean? Are we…?” I didn’t even know what to ask. I needed more information. What did this mean for us?

“Kate and I need to get back to Alaska. There is some business there that can’t wait. I’m sorry Bella. I know this isn’t fair.”

“Not fair” I whispered. I couldn’t believe it. She was breaking up with me…. She was breaking up with me before we had even had a proper relationship. “Is this about that bullshit I heard you and Kate talk about? About me dying. That is bullshit and you know it! I’m not going to die. I live in Forks; this is the most boring town there is. And Kate doesn’t agree with you. She wants to stay with me. So, if you want to leave, then leave.” I couldn’t hold back the tears and I shoved her aside so I could get off the couch.

“Bella,” Tanya said as she got up and walked after me. I didn't want things to end like this. It didn't have to end like this. We could keep in touch, visit. But it was clear that she didn't want that. 

“Then leave, but that is your choice.” I was standing at the foot of the stairs, one hand on the railing, trying to hold back my tears. _She couldn’t leave. They couldn’t leave. She was going to choose me. She had to. What we were having, that was a good thing. She couldn’t walk away from that. __She would keep in touch, right? _

“I’m sorry Bella.”

Charlie found me a couple of hours later, sitting on the steps, still crying.

* * *

“I’m worried about her,” I heard Charlie say on the phone. He was in the kitchen, making diner, breakfast? I had no idea what time it was. I also had no idea who he could possibly be talking to. Worried about me? Pfff, I was fine. As soon as I could drag myself off the couch that Charlie had put me on, life would go on and I would go to school as if nothing had happened. I was just going to lay here for a little while. 

-X-

“Bella, sweetheart,” I heard a smooth voice say and for a second, I thought it was Tanya. I opened my eyes, gold eyes stared back at me. But they weren't Tanya's golden eyes.

“Doctor Cullen?” I couldn’t keep the confusion out of my voice. What was he doing here?

“It’s alright,” he kept his voice low. I looked outside, it was dark and raining. But not the kind of darkness of the night. There must be a storm coming. I turned back to look at him. 

“They left,” I choked out before tearing up again. The words leaving my mouth making me realise that this was real, they were gone. “They left,” I whispered again before I flung arms around his neck and cried on his shoulder. Carlisle Cullen, the doctor I couldn’t trust because I was sure he could see through my lies. I had avoided him since I had left the hospital. Too scared that I would say something that didn’t add up, something that would expose the truth. The truth was that I shouldn’t be here. It didn’t matter anymore. Charlie was my dad, he worried about me like a real dad. Otherwise, he wouldn't have called for Carlisle. I had made friends here and even found love. Slowly I had felt like I could be happy here… and now everything was falling to pieces.

“I know,” he whispered as he put his hand on the back of my head.

I wanted to go home. I wanted my mum. My mum who had dealt with heartbreak after heartbreak. A woman who wasn’t afraid to fall in love, who took that risk time and time again without even thinking about it. It reminded me of that Neil Gailman quote; _Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. _I had opened up my heart and now it was breaking.

Carlisle just sat there with me. He let me cry on his shoulder and ruin his expensive blouse.

* * *

They both had left by now, I knew it. And the pain in my heart was getting worse each passing day. I went to school and did my homework. I hadn’t heard from them since they left. No texts, no calls. The fact that Kate hadn’t called or texted me hurt more than Tanya. I had almost expected her to call me after Tanya had left my house. To tell me that this was all a bunch of bullshit and that even thou they were heading back to Alaska, we could call. But she didn’t call, or text.

Alice had tried to talk to me after I came back to school, but I told her that there was nothing to talk about and she had left me alone. They had gone back home, and I would go on with my life. I would graduate and go on to college. I was focusing really hard on that now. College, somewhere warm. A new start. Living life in oversized hoodies and fishnet tights again. Drinking coffee on the way to the library. Decorating my dorm room. I could almost see it. Almost. And that was all I could do to no fall apart.

Emmett and I had somehow become closer after THEY had left. The first time I had come over to the Cullens house after _that_ weekend had been hard. Sitting on the couch. Thinking about all the things that could’ve happened. Things that would never happen.

Emmett, however, had distracted me by pushing a controller in my hand and told me how to drive, hit the break and turn around. I had no idea what I was doing when the game started. But practice makes perfect, and that’s what we did. And after a while, going to the Cullen house didn’t hurt as much anymore. We started talking about colleges and plans we had for the summer break. The University of Alaska and spending the summer with Tanya and Kate had popped into my head before I had shoved that idea out if my mind. That wasn’t happening anymore. I would make new plans, I would go somewhere... I just hadn't figured out where yet. 

“When did you become so good,” he asked as he bumped his shoulder against mine, in the hopes that it would break my concentration.

“Ready to get your ass kick, Cullen?” I asked as I stared so intensely at the screen, willing the car to go faster with my mind.

“You wish,” he muttered, and I could hear something breaking. Was he crushing the controller? I wasn’t going to look. I wasn’t going to let him win this time. As my car raced over the finish line a few seconds before Emmett’s did, I jumped up from the couch.

“Ha, told you,” I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as Emmett threw the controller on the couch.

“Beginners luck.”

“We’ve been playing for almost two months now. You can’t call this beginners luck anymore. I beat your ass, just admit it.” I knew he wasn’t going to admit it but still… it was nice to rub it in.

“One more time?” he asked as I laced up my boots. I had kicked them off when we were playing.

“Nah, I have to go. There is a barbeque at the reservation and Charlie told Billy that I would come too.”

“Tomorrow?” he tried as I grabbed my backpack. He walked with me to the door.

“I have homework, you know.”

“You’re top of the class Bells. Seriously, you’re beating Edward in the nerd-department. Teacher's pet,” he teased.

“I’ll see if I have some time left after I finish my paper. I’ll text you.” I got into the truck and started the engine.

-X-

As I drove up to the little red house, I saw Jake throwing wood onto the campfire. He looked up as I turned off the engine.

“Hey Jake,” I said as I walked up to him. I opened my arms to hug him. “Stop growing or I’m going to need a ladder the next time.” He closed his arms around me and lifted me off the floor.

“I’m glad you here. You could help me out,” he handed me a piece of wood. “So how is life” he continued.

“Life is okay,” I couldn’t lie to Jake. I had spent many afternoons with him on the beach, just talking about how shitty it was. He was always there to listen to me. He never got tired of hearing me repeat the same thing over and over again.

“How is school going,” he handed me a stick with a marshmallow stuck onto it.

“Really good. I’ve been putting in a lot hard of work. I don’t ditch anymore and hand in my homework on time. I think I might actually have a chance of being a senior next year.”

“My little girl, all grown up,” he gave me a little shove as we laughed.

“Yes, all grown up.” We stood there in silence, watching my marshmallow turn black. I had a feeling he wanted to talk about something. Maybe ask something… 

“Summer break is approaching, and I was wondering if you had any plans,” he asked as I just shoved the marshmallow into my mouth. I tried to chew as quickly as possible, burning my throat in the process.

“No, not really. Maybe I’ll do one of those last-minute travel trips.”

“All by yourself?” but before I could answer, Charlie came out with a bunch of food.

“Emily and Sam are on their way and I heard Quill is going to be late.” He put the plates on the table before turning back to the house.

“Need any help dad?” I yelled after him. Embry arrived at that moment and I went inside to help Charlie. “Dad, have you thought about what we’re going to do during summer break?” I casually asked as I took two plates with vegetables.

“Not really. Why? Do you have anything in mind?” I followed him outside and he instructed me where to put the plates.

“Yes. Sort off,” I said but before I could continue, a car drove up to the house.

“That must be Sam and Emily,” Charlie said and started to walk away. I would talk to him about it later...

* * *

Later turned out to be a lot later. And by a lot later I mean the start of the summer break. I knew Charlie would be busy for the next two weeks because his deputy Mark had gone on a holiday with his wife yesterday.

I had packed my suitcase. Some summer clothes, some warmer outfits, a lot of swimsuits, books…. Basically, everything a girl could possibly need for a holiday to an unknown location.

I had talked with Emmett about my plans, and Jake and both thought I was crazy. But I had to do this. I had even talked to Carlisle about it. It had been in his office at the hospital a few weeks ago.

“Carlisle,” I asked as I knocked on the door of his office. I’ve been having this pain near my heart and I was worried about it. It was almost constantly there but I didn’t want to worry Charlie. I also didn’t want Alice or Emmett to know about it. So, I had come to his office at the hospital. The nurse had pointed me in the right direction.

“Bella,” he looked surprised. “Come in.”

“I have something that’s bothering me, but I don’t want Charlie to know about it.”

“Ah. Please take a seat.” I sat down in one of the two chairs in front of his desk. “What is troubling you?”

“There is this pain, right here” I placed my hand over my heart. “It’s not too bad. I mean, I can still go to school and stuff, but lately, it’s kind off always there. This aching feeling. I don’t know how to describe it, but it worries me.”

“And is there any reason why you don’t want Charlie to know about this?”

“It would kind of ruin my plans for summer break”

And that is how I ended up telling Carlisle all about my plan. I would pack a suitcase. Jake would drive me to Seattle, and I would buy the first available ticket. Destination unknown.

“You’re 100% sure about this?” Jacob asked as the airport came into view.

“Jake, where is your sense of adventure.” I put on my sunglasses as I looked at him. They were heart-shaped and I had found them at a little store on the reservation while I was out with Jake one day. “Life is short, the world is wide. I want to make some memories.”

Jake parked the car and walked with me. I had been able to fit everything in a big brown vintage-style suitcase and a black shoulder bag.

“You’re 100% sure about this?” Jacob asked again when we stood in line for my ticket.

“Yes, Jake. I am 100% sure about this.”

“I can’t believe Charlie agreed with this,” Jacob said to himself. I laughed; Charlie had expressed how unhappy he was with my plan. We had argued but eventually, he had given in. I had packed my suitcase that night and texted Jake that he could drive me the next morning. And here we were.

“Your turn,” Jake said.

“This is going to great. Just believe me.”

Turns out, faith or karma or whatever was determent to ruin my holiday. The first available ticket was not to some nice warm country. Fairbanks, Alaska. Travel time; 3:30 hours. When I had heard this, I had almost asked the lady what the next flight was, but I couldn’t do it. Guess I was going to Alaska. 

As I sat down in my seat, waiting for the plane to take off, I told myself that I was going to have a great time. Sure, Alaska was colder than I would’ve liked but it was a big country… What were the chances of me running into… _them_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be angry at Tanya for leaving. She is scared! Unlike Edward, she has seen the consequences of breaking the rules. Her mother was killed by the Volturi and she doesn't want that for Bella. 
> 
> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter. I hope that everybody is staying safe inside.


	12. The choices I make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no idea of time anymore. Almost two months have passed since I wrote a chapter for this story, yet in my mind, it feels like two weeks ago. I'm sorry! I hope everybody is safe and doing alright.
> 
> I also have no idea if university's do tours during the summer break but for the sake of the story let's say they do.

_Turns out, faith or karma or whatever was determent to ruin my holiday. The first available ticket was not to some nice warm country. Fairbanks, Alaska. Travel time; 3:30 hours. When I had heard this, I had almost asked the lady what the next flight was, but I couldn’t do it. Guess I was going to Alaska. _

_As I sat down in my seat, waiting for the plane to take off, I told myself that I was going to have a great time. Sure, Alaska was colder than I would’ve liked but it was a big country… What were the chances of me running into… them?_

* * *

“Welcome to the University of Alaska Fairbanks, are you here for the campus tour?” The girl in front of me asked. When I had arrived at the airport, I had bought one of those tourists ‘what to do/see here’ books. I had learned that the university was only an 8-minute drive away from the airport. I had checked in in one of the hotels close to the airport. In the hotel room, I had called Charlie, letting him know that I was safe and what I was planning on doing.

“Yes,” I said, trying to smile. I was going to enjoy this holiday. I would relax. And even thou this wasn’t some warm beach in Hawaii, I couldn’t deny that it was beautiful. 

“The group is waiting over there,” she pointed towards one of the building. “The tour starts in 5 minutes. Do you have any questions in advance?” I shook my head and she started walking toward the building she had just pointed at. I could see a small group of people waiting.

“What do you plan on majoring in?” she asked as we walked.

“Journalism.”

“Cool, if you get accepted here, maybe you could apply to work for the Polaris newspaper. It is written by the students and produced weekly.” We had joined the group and another student started speaking before I could answer.

The tour was pretty interesting. They showed us the residence halls. Skarland Hall and Moore Hall were the first-year halls. They also showed us the dining area and lecture halls. We were dropped off at the campus shop where I bought a hoodie. It was a nice colour blue with yellow print and a polar bear on it. At the end of the day, I decided that maybe it would not be so bad to study in Alaska. The girl I had been talking to at the beginning of the tour was named Sophie. And she asked if I wanted to go grab dinner with her and her friends. During the tour she had given me some extra information, the main tour leader did not tell. 

We went to one of the restaurants in the area. “So, where are you from Bella?” one of the girls asked.

“Phoenix, Arizona,” I had answered without thinking. “But recently I moved in with my dad in Forks, Washington.” I corrected. Here without Charlie, Jacob and the Cullens, it was easy to forget what had happened. “Divorced parents, I can relate to that but two different states… you must have travelled back and forth a lot.”

“Not really, I only recently got in touch with my dad,” it was not a complete lie. The girl must have sensed my unease and dropped the subject. “So, are you going to stay long here in Alaska?” Sophie asked as she took a sip of her coke.

“No, unfortunately not. I’ll be going to Phoenix soon…”

I arrived back at the hotel, a little after midnight, and I was slightly tipsy. I must have been drunker than I released because waiting in front of my hotel room, was Kate. 

“Bella,” she breathed when she saw me. I stood unmoving, still clutching the tote bag with information folders the university had given us. I blinked ones, twice and then I slapped her. I don’t know what had possessed me. I had never slapped anyone ever. “Kate, I…” tears welled up in my eyes. I was angry at her for not calling, for leaving and for just showing up like this. How had she even known that I was staying here? I had only called Charlie. But I also felt better than I had in weeks. She was here, what did it matter how she had gotten here…

“You’re drunk?” she said softly.

“Just a bit,” I admitted before stepping closer and kissing her. It was a passionate kiss, her hands at the small of my back, pulling me closer. “I’m still angry at you,” I muttered between kisses.

“I know, I just couldn’t stay away anymore.” _Stay away… what a strange way of putting it. like she wasn’t allowed to see me. _“Open the door, Bella.”

I fumbled in my bag for the key card and opened the door letting her in. Once I closed the door, she pushed me against it, but I turned my head, preventing her from kissing me. “We need to talk before we do anything. I need to know that you won’t just run away again in the morning. And how did you find me? Nobody knows I’m here.” _Well, Jake and Charlie knew but I doubted that she had called them. _

Kate sighed and stepped away, walking towards the bed. “I saw you at the airport, I was dropping of Irina and her boyfriend. I followed you to the hotel.”

“Why Kate? You left. Both you left. After what we had… could’ve had… and you left. You didn’t even say goodbye.” The tone of my voice was rising, and I had to keep in mind that there were other guests to consider.

“I know and I can’t explain why we left…” Kate had sat down on the bed and was now looking out of the window. Her hand running through her hair as she spoke.

“Why not? We were getting along so well. I was really starting to love you and then things just when to shit. How did we go from basically having your hands down my pants to I can’t see you anymore, overnight? What happened Kate?”

“I can’t tell you.” She got up and started to walk to me.

“Then get out.” I felt soberer now, but also tired. “I can’t do this if I’m constantly going to be scared that you are going to run away again. Is it Tanya? Is she telling you to stay away from me?” I walked towards the bed, kicking off my boots and sat down.

“I won’t leave, not again. It hurts too much. I can’t speak for Tanya; she is more stubborn than I am, but I can’t stay away anymore.”

“Then don’t leave,” I whispered, too tired to continue this fight. And the whole mood was giving me a whiplash. I didn’t want her to leave, but I wanted her to leave now rather then later _if _she was going to leave.

“Never,” she said as she pushed me back onto the bed. “Never again.” And for now, that promise was enough. She pulled the hoodie over my head and my cami top followed. Leaving me in just my bra.

“I remember when we bought this,” Kate whispered, her finger was tracing the pattern of the lace. “I imagined taking it off of you in your bedroom, telling you to keep quiet because Charlie was downstairs.” While she whispered this in my ear, she was unbuttoning my pants.

“Kate,” I said, although it sounded more like a moan. I wanted her to just get the stupid pants off. They were in the way. She was wearing a dress, which she removed herself before continuing her little fantasy.

“I would start by sucking on your neck, slowly working my way down. I love your breast, have I ever told you that?” She pulled my pants off and then came back up, pushing my body further into the mattress. Her fingers trailed down my side. I moaned and closed my eyes. “Ssssh Bella, Charlie is downstairs.” She whispered in my ear. Her breath tickled. I knew Charlie wasn’t downstairs, Charlie was miles away… thank god. But just imagining that… her hands slide over my back and unclasped my bra. My nipples hardened when the cold air brushed over them.

“Kate please,” I begged. Then she rolled off me and pulled the blanket from under me. I opened my eyes and sat up. She was smiling wickedly at me.

“Go to sleep Bella.” She said.

“What?” She wasn’t going to leave me hanging like this, wasn’t she?

“You’re tired, and even though you probably don’t feel it right now, you are still angry at me. You have every right to be. So, we are not going to do this tonight. I want our first time…” she padded the mattress, “to be perfect.”

“Stay the night, please. We don’t have to do anything, just lay with me.” When she walked away, at first, I thought that she was going to leave, however shortly after she turned off the lights, I felt her cold arm slip around my waist. “Goodnight Bella.”

“Goodnight.”

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I was sure it had all been a dream but then I felt her arm, still wrapped around my waist. “Kate?”

“Yes, my dear?”

“You’re here…” It felt like a stupid question to ask but I had to know that I was not imagining things.

“I’m here and I’m not leaving.” I smiled and turned around to look at her.

“Are you coming with me to Phoenix?”

“Phoenix?” She sat up now, her eyebrows drew together in confusion.

“I’m going to visit the university, pick up another hoodie,” I said with a smile. Looking at the hoodie that laid forgotten on the floor.

“Why?” I now sat up too, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Well, I’ve decided that I’m going to visit a few universities. Here, which was not planned, Phoenix and maybe Seattle. To see what my options are for in the future.” Before meeting up with Kate again, I had been pretty sure that I would return to Arizona State University. I would visit Seattle because maybe I would like to stay close to Charlie, but I hadn’t really thought about that.

“How about I meet up with you at Seattle?”

“And then?” Was she going to stay in Forks? Would she leave again?

“Then I think I’ll stay at the Cullens for a while.” She pushed me backwards and covered my body with hers. Her finger traced a line from my neck all the way to my heart and then further down my breast, circling my nipple. I realised something as her fingers trailed lower, that my chest pain was gone. The aching feeling was gone, and I hadn’t even realised it. Just as her fingers reached the waistband of my panties, she stopped.

“You should get dressed.”

“Why,” I asked, annoyed that she had stopped.

“Because you need breakfast. When are you leaving for Phoenix?” She got up and started to collect her clothes.

“Don’t know, I don’t even have the ticket yet. I wanted to do one of those ‘jump on the first flight available and see where you end up’ kind of holidays. I thought that I would end up somewhere warm, lay on a beach and then… I don’t know...”

“Go take a shower, I’ll call room service and afterwards we can see when there is an available flight to Phoenix and what we can do in the remaining time if you want to do something together,” the uncertainty had crept into her voice and I got out of bed, crossed the room and kissed her.

“Yes, but maybe just the two of us?” I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see Tanya yet. I could still remember how she sat next to me on the couch, stroking my hair in such a soothing, almost motherly kind of way…. And then she had broken my heart.

“Just the two of us, I promise” her hands on my side, pulling me closer, “but you can’t avoid her forever.” Of course, she knew who I was thinking about.

“I know,” I sighed and stepped away. “Go order breakfast. I’ll be done in a minute.”

The shower was nice and warm and gave me time to think. Now that Kate was out of the room, I remembered that I was kind of supposed to be mad at her for leaving me and not calling or texting. Which is something I apparently forgot when she kissed me, or traced patterns on my skin with her cold fingers going lower and lower, leaving goosebumps… _Focus Bella! _

I jumped and almost slipped when Kate knocked on the door, telling me that breakfast would be here in a couple of minutes. 

“I’m coming,” I yelled through the closed door.

She had ordered croissants and Nutella for me and two cups of coffee. We had breakfast on the bed, well I had breakfast on the bed, and she sat next to me holding the cup of coffee.

“Why did you leave?” I asked as I reached for my coffee. She was probably already getting tired of hearing that question and I know she had said that she couldn’t explain it, but I deserved an answer.

“I’ll tell you one day, not yet though… I think I need to talk to some people before I tell you.” She wasn’t making a lot of sense but at least she had said that she would tell me, so I dropped it, not wanting to ruin the day.

“I also called the airport when you were in the shower and the first available flight to Phoenix isn’t until tomorrow.” I must have showered longer than I thought if she had had time to do that.

“So, what do you want to do today?” I asked and her eyes lid up.

“We could watch a movie…” she suggested, putting her cup down on the nightstand and crawling closer.

“We are not really good at that, remember. We usually end up doing something like this...” I closed the small space between us and pushed her back. Straddling her stomach as she laid beneath me.

“I don’t mind doing something like that,” she said as she sat up a little and placed her hands on my hips and pulled me even closer. The fabric of her dress rubbed against the lace of my panties, creating some, but not enough friction.

“Kate please,” I whispered as her hands slipped under the hoodie I was wearing. Her hands felt even colder than usual, my skin was still hot from the shower.

“What do you want baby,” she licked my neck before sucking.

“You.”

“And how do you want me?” she asked, I could feel the smile on her lips as she asked me this. Was she going to make me spell it out? The blush rose to my cheeks at the thought of that. She flipped our positions so that now, she was on top. She pulled the hoodie up but left it stuck over my head so I could not see what she was doing. And then I felt her mouth close over my hardened nipple.

My panties stayed on, but I could feel the coldness of her fingers through the lace fabric as she rubbed my clit. And I was sure she could feel how wet I was through the lace. I eventually wiggled myself out of my hoodie and tried to pull her dress off. She rose so I could pull the dress over her head and throw it on the floor, her bra quickly followed. I didn’t waste any time and closed my lips around her nipple, sucking softly. She moaned my name as I put my hand over her other breast, kneading it.

We were interrupted by the sound of her phone going off. She blew out an annoyed breath and let go of me. She reached for her dress and fished her phone out of one of the pockets.

“Tanya,” she said as she answered it. She was now sitting on the edge of the bed, her back towards me.

“None of your business,” she said angrily. Well, that ruined the mood. I crawled over to her and sat behind her, my cheek pressed against her back, my arms enclosed around her waist. I wanted to lighten the mood a bit, so I started playing with her breast while she continued to talk to Tanya. I wondered if she had told her that she would be here, with me.

“Well, you made that choice for us.” I could not hear Tanya’s response. “I know why you did it, I just don’t agree with it.” I chose that moment to kiss her neck, pressing myself closer to her.

“I’m going to hang up now. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.” She hung up and threw the phone onto her dress. “Now, where were we…”

* * *

“Promise me you’ll call as soon as you have checked into the hotel,” Kate said as she handed me my bag.

“I promise. Don’t worry so much, makes you old,” I said smiling as I kissed her.

“I’ll meet up with you in Seattle in four days.”

“Yes, I know. I have to go now or else I’ll miss my plane.” I said pulling my hand out of hers. “Go talk to Tanya, figure this out.” I kissed her one last time before I got on the plane.

I didn’t mind flying and had brought a book so I could read during the flight. However, I hadn’t really slept last night, and the flight was pretty early so, after an hour of trying to read, I fell asleep.

After I had checked into my hotel in Phoenix, I called Charlie to let him know where I was.

“I think it’s a very responsible thing you’re doing Bella. I know I wasn’t very big on letting you travel all by yourself, but I think it’s good you’re checking out colleges.” I was glad that I had his approval. I told him about the tour in Alaska and dinner with the girl. I left out the bit about seeing Kate, I didn’t think he would approve of that.

“I bought this hoodie, which I think will come in quite handy when I come back to Forks. It’s so nice and warm.” Charlie laughed at that.

“So, when will you be coming back home,” he asked.

“I don’t know, exactly. I want to stay here for a few days, before flying to Seattle. I am going to go to Seattle University before coming back. If you don’t mind.”

“Seattle University uh, good place.” I could almost see the smile on his face at the thought of keeping me close.

“Yeah, I mean I want to go to a good college, but I don’t _have to_ move all the way across the country. I just want to see what it is like.”

“Well, call me when you get to Seattle safely or if you need anything.”

“I will dad. See you soon.”

After Charlie I called the Cullens, Alice picked up.

“So, what is it like? Are you laying on a beach getting a sunburn?” I could hear Emmett in the background yelling something. It sounded like ‘put it on speakerphone’.

“No, not yet. I’m in Phoenix now, but this is my second destination. I first flew to Fairbanks in Alaska.”

I laughed when they both stayed silent. “I did one of those university tours. It is really beautiful up there and the people I met are nice.”

“Well… that’s good to hear. Did anything else happened?” Alice asked as if she already knew what had happened.

“I got together with Kate. Apparently, she saw me at the airport and followed me to my hotel. After the tour, she was waiting for me. We kind of made up, sort off.”

“Sort off,” Alice repeated.

“Yeah, sort off. I don’t know, it’s weird but…”

“It will be fine in the end,” she finished for me. _I hoped it would._

“I’ve got go, I still have to call Kate and find somewhere to eat dinner. Say hi to everybody for me.”

“I will. Have fun. Don’t do anything crazy and don’t forget the sunscreen.” I laughed at that.

“Sure mom, bye!”

I tried to call Kate, but she didn’t answer, which I thought was strange, but I decided not to worry too much about it right now. I would go grab dinner and then try calling her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you see any spelling mistakes so I can correct them. And leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> Also, do you think I could leave the rating for this story on "Teen And Up Audiences" or should I change it to "Mature" when I continue down this path with Kate/Bella.


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